once upon a time

Once upon a time…

Writing was hard, she didn't know what to say, how to say it; what they wanted her to write. Expression was not her forte. The room around her was silent, everybody imagining wonderful stories of princes and princesses. While she was stuck here with no thoughts in her head, at least none she could write down without looking like a crazy, depressed maniac. So on she writes.

Once upon a time there was a Princess; she was the luckiest person in the world. Everybody loved her and wanted her to be the ruler of the kingdom when she grew up. She had lovely things, lovely friends, everything about her was lovely. But that was what her subjects saw. Nobody knew what was really going on behind that facade. Not even her friends.

She paused, thinking. What to write next?

One day when everything was wrong, and the princess was sad and crying, an angel came down and said “Why are you sad Princess?”
The princess was so surprised she jumped up and looked at the beautiful stranger; she could not see that she was an angel because she didn’t believe yet. “I am sad because everything in the world is wrong, and I can’t help anyone” she whispered.
“Let me help you” the angel said and she offered her hand to the Crying princess.
The Princess would not take it, she couldn’t trust this angel, and she doesn’t know her. So she straightened her crown and smoothed her dress and offered the stranger some food and drink.
Politely the angel declined and said, “Ok, I will come back another time” and left.

Then the princess was alone again and began to cry. “I can’t do anything”

Again she stopped, listening to the scratching of pens on paper. No, she must finish this. Again she starts.

Later, another stranger appeared, and asked “Why are you sad?”
This time the princess said nothing. She inspected the stranger; this one had a different air about him. More, menacing sort of. He said nothing more, so the princess again offered him Food and drink. The stranger said yes, so the princess turned her back on him. As soon as she did, the stranger span round and put a spell on her. An evil spell, because he was an evil magician in disguise. He put the evil spell on her so that she couldn’t tell anyone about it, ever. She had to keep it a secret forever or else something bad would happen and her whole world would collapse. The magician left, his evil work done, and nobody knew anything; it was a secret between him and the princess.

Breath, she told herself. It was no use getting upset here. It would just cause trouble.

The princess continued on in her life, nobody knowing about the magician. She seemed just as happy as ever, while really she was slowly deteriorating inside, every happy and sad thing eating at her thoughts. She tried hard to forget everything, but nothing worked. Eventually she just believed it didn’t happen, while she secretly knows it did, but won’t admit it to herself even.
One day, many years after, the princess was so sad, so sick of remembering, so sick of knowing, that she decided to hurt herself. She didn’t deserve to live; she deserved all the pain, that’s what she always got anyway. Physical pain could drown out mental anyway.

She took a knife, and slashed as hard as she could, it felt good, it felt right. She had to do more. After a long time of doing this, she found it easier. She did it more and more each time. She loved watching the red clash with all the pretty colours of her possessions, the glint of the blade in the dim light.

One day when the pain inside was too great to be drowned out by the physical hurt. The princess was tipped over the edge, she watched the blood drain by, and it all just hurt too much for her to go on. She just couldn’t bear it. She had to, she had to end it all… she had to…

All of a sudden things span round, they all meshed together in a kind of kaleidoscope design. Merry-go-round music played in her mind on fast forward… then there was nothing. It all stopped, the music the colours, everything.

Suddenly there was a voice, a familiar, yet different voice. Soft and understanding, it was the voice of the stranger, years ago. She was singing. A soft, lilting song. The princess turned around, and there in the darkness appeared the angel, with her wings, her halo and everything an angel should wear. This time the princess saw her in all her wonders.
“I’m sorry” she whispered “I’m so sorry…” the princess fell to he knees “let me help you”
The angel smiled and reached out her hand. “Let me help you up, princess”
The princess paused in thought; finally she took the outstretched hand and stood up. Straight into the open arms of the angel. A hug to top all hugs, the princess felt all the warmth and light entering into her body again. She felt loved, cared for, a feeling she has lived without for so long.

After a long while, they sat down together, the princess and the angel. They talked about fun times, and good memories for what seemed a lifetime.

After a while, the princess saw a sad look pass over the angels face, but she said nothing, not until she saw that same look for the fourth time.
“What’s wrong?” the princess asked quietly “I want to help you” but the angel shook her head and said no.
“You need to concentrate on you” she said and smiled. The princess sighed, gave up and they continued talking. The angel continued to listen, still with that same look occasionally.

Then suddenly the angel stood up and gave a look of utter desperation to the Princess. She started crying, her tears flowing gently down her face. The princess was so surprised she couldn’t say anything; she didn’t know what to do anyway. Finally the angel spoke to her, “you don’t care do you? I send signals out, but none of them are of any importance to you” A fresh flow of tears erupted from her glistening eyes “Just do what you want, it’s your choice” She opened her wings and soared away. Far from the princess.
The princess stood there, stared off after her. Then she took out the blade, ice cold, put it to her warm, life-filled skin and dug out all the life.
All the warmth left her body, she became as chilled and lifeless as the blade that destroyed her.