hopefully

After all the trying, she realised her insecurities just wouldn't budge off one bit. Sure there were times, she thought that she had eliminated them with her beaming smile and hearty laughter, which radiated her environment, but these temporary highs of her occur all too intermittently. When reality creeps back after her jaw muscles put their guard down, she caught herself awoken and clear. No, the insecurities are real and they will stay. These times, she would then wonder if all the joyfulness she had recently displayed was but falsity to cover up for the punctured soul within. Cruelly, the truth is honest. She was. Seemingly living a life set in oscillatory motion, she continues to bob between the crest of false dawn and trough of realistic emptiness.

With a heart on the verge of freezing, she hurriedly detached herself away from the bubbly crowd for she was convinced liveliness was meant not to be for her. All too familiar once more, she crept back to her own real world- a space where emptiness fills it all up till there will never be room for happiness, love and peace.

Struggling to garner warmth as the cold wind engulfed her, she cowered against the wall at her familiar corner. Head down, knees bent, arms over head, she braced herself up to witness the sights in the distance beyond her reach- light. Through her eyes, she saw party animals having the time of their lives in one another's company. Disgusted, yet ironically covetous, she darted her eyes to the other corner of the light. There, she saw people studying with their eyes literally bonded through electrostatic forces of attraction to their books. Each unconsciously, giving out an aura that speaks volume of their competitive nature. Each unknowingly, gritting their teeth, impatient to outwit the other. Overwhelmed by nausea over the unsightly silent battle, her deep eyes of cold exterior trailed their way back to the dark- the place where they and their owner, truly though wrongfully belong. This retreat to their comfort zone was not a willing move; it was a sign of resignation.

Faltering, she tried to crack her unnerving fate. Indeed, a hopeless feeble attempt incurred, again.

Wearily, the cold exterior of her eyes gave way to her soft, weak, fearful, insecure sleepy look. As her eyelids felt their weight pulling them down, she saw light and wings. A mirage, she told herself. Then, she thought she heard a voice. Like a lullaby to coax a baby to sleep, it seemed to play like a soothing melody carrying a comforting tone.

"Go back to sleep, my little one. Wake up and continue to be your family clown and friends' safety buoy. Perhaps, someday, just one fine day, your destiny may unfold to its next level. The level, where you know joy; where you feel love; where you find peace, will come your way. Eventually, some day, somehow. Yes, the time will come. Hope springs eternity. Be hopeful, be patient. It'll come. It'll come... hopefully."