lost

As his eyes travel down my length I can see the desire pour into them. He wants me and I am willing to let him have me even if it is only for this moment . He pushes his hands over my body speaking lyrical tones while he draws patterns over my thighs. I look up at the ceiling and wonder how I got myself into this position.
As I move my head down I glance at his eyes and for a second I am fooled and believe that maybe he does care. Maybe this time it will be different. He charms me with his words even though I know that he tells tales.
He pushes my head down his body not with the gentle ease of a lover but with the fast paces hands of a one night stand. His medium build does not produce fear but still I find myself submissive whenever i am around him. The need to please overwhelms any common sense.
I engulf him into my mouth and I know what people think. They think that I am demeaning myself. If he doesn’t love me why do i do this but that is the one moment where we switch positions and he is under my control. I can decide what is going to happen next and he is williing to say or do anything that i want as long as i keep going. Even if when I am done that all disappears and I return too his little concubine. In that moment I have what I need.
He lifts my head off of him and tells me to remove my clothing. As I pull of my clothes I would rather be anywhere but here but yet I know what I am saying is a lie because this is exactly where i will be tomorrow night or the night after unless he tells me differently. He kisses me and lays me on my bed and I wonder why my body could still ache for him even though he hurts me so much.
He enters me and I scream out from the pleasure I feel but I feel ashamed for wanting this and knowing that i will never have anything more than just this. Just sex. And still accepting this no matter what it costs to my self worth. I watch my image in the mirror as he pounds into me. It is an odd feeling to know that you hate your appearance more than you hate the person who is hurting you because who could blame him because if I were him that’s how I would probably treat myself.
I feel his breath on my neck adding to my goose bumps running up and down my body. I can tell what his body will do as his breathing increases and decreases. This time I feel his breath hot and harsh on my face and know that he is ready to cum. There are no soft words of reasurance that he cares or even cares if I cum. Instead he just pounds into me until his little trojen soldiers storm my fortress and disarm my forces.
I couldn’t tell you when this began. It use to be different I don’t know if he use to try more or if he just use to be a better liar. Or maybe I just smartened up and noticed but wasn’t willing to let go of him anyway.
He releases and lays on top of me for a while. This is the closest I ever get to an embrace from him. The worst part is that I allow myself to believe that this could lead to something more. And even as my hope is dashed as he gets up and puts on his clothing with his back to me I still lie in wait for him to say anything to me. Anything at all. Just something that could give me a reason to cling to my hope.
He reaches into his wallet and pulls out a fifty and puts it on the table without looking back he says “ you might want to buy yourself a new shirt.” As the door closes I am left without anything, only fifty dollars on the nightstand to remind me that this wasn’t a dream that he was here. He leaves me in the same place that he found me. Laying on the bed, leaving me nothing better than a prostitute.