A Mother's Greatest Gift

“You’re worthless!” Maria let out a small cry as the man slapped her across her face. “You can never do anything right. Where would you be without me? I do so much to take care of you, and now you bring that home!” He gestured to the corner of the room where a newborn infant laid crying, wrapped in a blanket and on top of a table.

“She’s just as much yours as mine!” Cried Maria, tears forming at the sides of her eyes.

“Shut up!” He struck Maria again. “You weren’t careful enough. You carried it for nine months, and now you brought it home. It’s not my problem at all. I refuse to help support that thing.”

The man stomped towards the door of the apartment. As he opened it to leave, he turned to say one last thing.

“You’re the mother, you take care of it. That’s your job isn’t it? Maybe you can do this right for once.”

The door slammed shut, leaving only the sound of the screaming child in the air. Maria could taste blood in her mouth, but it was something she had become used to. She was always messing up, and she was often disciplined for it.

Maria had never been a smart girl. She dropped out of high school as soon as she turned sixteen. She was so lucky and fortunate to find a man who would take care of her. It had even been him that urged her to drop out of school. There was no future for her there. She wasn’t smart enough to pass the classes, so it was best not to keep trying. It was so kind of him to keep her off the street and care for her.

A great sense of guilt always followed the poor woman though. She had such a hard time doing things. Cooking wasn’t her strong suit, clothes were often burned when she ironed them. She tried as hard as she could to be a good girl and to please her man, but she always made mistakes, and when she made mistakes, it made him angry. Of course, she deserved every strike he gave her, for even though he showed such kindness to Maria she wasn’t able to do anything correctly to pay him back. Still, he loved her so much. He must, because he said so every night, and why else would he work so hard to provide food and clothing for her?

Maria picked up the crying baby and carried her over to a nearby rocking chair. The cries stopped after Maria unbuttoned her blouse and began to feed the infant. The closeness and warmth from this act brought a smile to the battered face of the young woman. Her body was able to create the vital liquid that would calm and nourish this new life that she brought into her world. This was finally something that she could do right, and her existence now had a purpose. It was the first time in so long that Maria felt happy.

That thought jarred Maria. The first time she ever felt happy? Her eyes looked around the apartment where she lived. The walls were chipped in many places and the paint was peeling. The stove in the kitchen was rusted, the tiles were old and stained, small pellets of rat poison were lying in the corners. None of the furniture with upholstery was its original color anymore, they were all faded and stained from years of dirt and use. Even the wooden rocking chair she sat in now was only held together by duct tape in a few key areas.

Thinking back to her childhood, Maria could not call up any pleasant memories. Tears, drugs, and beatings were what she had grown up with. Money was never something she was around, and love was a scarce commodity in the circles she traveled. What kind of a life was she bringing this baby into? Maria believed that her actions warranted the beatings she received, but would the child also be beaten once it got older? Her baby could never possibly deserve such a thing. This little angel should never have to go through anything that Maria ever had in her life.

The infant had finished feeding and fell asleep. The tiny face was the most beautiful and innocent thing that Maria had ever seen. Up to this point, the baby had yet to know sorrow. It was hungry, but it obtained the food it requested. Now it rested in blissful slumber, unaware of the harsh realities of the world. Had Maria known what the term original sin meant, she would never have been able to believe in it after laying eyes on this wonderful miracle she had created within her own body.

Maria’s eyes were filled with both sadness and resolution.

“My dearest angel,” she cooed softy to her child. “I love you so much. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

She reached behind her and pulled out the pillow she had been sitting on.

“You’ll just stay innocent forever, yes you will. It’s my job to take care of you and protect you, and I’m going to make sure you never get hurt or feel pain.”

Maria placed the pillow over the face of the baby girl in her arms and gently applied pressure.

“You’ll never have a father who doesn’t love you, and you’ll never go hungry.”

She continued to gently rock in the chair as the held the infant against her breast.

“You’ll never have brothers who make fun of you, there will never be teachers and classmates to call you stupid, you’ll never have a mother who dies of a drug overdose and leaves you while you’re young. I’m going to make sure that you never get beaten by anyone, and you’ll never make mistakes that cause anybody to be unhappy.

The child did not move at all, safe in her mother’s arms. Maria continued to talk as she slowly pushed harder on the pillow.

“The slums are no place for you. I’ll make sure you don’t live in a filthy house where rats and cockroaches run around the floors. You are never going to walk the streets at night and feel terrified because your daddy is too drunk and violent for you to stay at home.”

Tears were now running down Maria’s face. The creaking of the rocking chair increased in tempo as Maria recalled the memories of her life. Memories of the entire world as far as she knew.

“My darling, my beautiful angel, you’re the most precious thing I’ve ever held. I never want you to feel sadness. You’ll never cry yourself to sleep at night in the darkness of your room. You’ll never experience the cold touch of boys that only want your body and don’t really love you. Nobody will steal your things or break your toys. You will never be unhappy.”

Maria stopped rocking and slowly pulled the pillow away. The expression on the baby’s face hadn’t changed at all. She never woke up or felt a thing. The only thing different about her seraphic appearance was that her tiny chest no longer rose and fell. Maria had done her job well, for the newborn girl died without ever knowing pain or sorrow.

“Innocent forever now. I’m sorry, but this is all that I can do for you. It’s a mother’s duty to protect her child.”

Maria slumped over the still form in her arms and began to let loose loud sobs in her torment. The walls of the apartment sealed up the sound. Nobody heard the wails of pain and sadness. She was completely alone.

“I love you, dear. Sleep well.”