No Gardener Here

My experience with gardening has not been the greatest. Both my mother and grandfather have bright green thumbs, yet the color of my thumb is far from green, I'd say it's more of a deep dark black. When I was little I would help my grandfather in his garden. Well OK, I didn't really help as much as I thought I did. I pretty much just stepped on all the plants that were trying to grow, dug up what hadn't sprouted yet, and got myself so caked with dirt that I required sand blasting. I always thought about how my big beautiful garden would be someday, and about all the different vegetables I would grow. Well those thoughts were just all wrong!

As I grew up and actually tried to grow things for myself I realized that I am the soul cause of every plants misery. I can kill any plant out there. Without even the slightest bit of trying! It wasn't until recently that I, for reasons unknown to me, could actually grow plants without sending them to their early grave.

I know what you're thinking, no one can be THAT horrible with plants. Well you my friend, are horribly mistaken. I am THAT bad. My local garden center has a "do not sell to" policy with me and requires parental supervision for me to even enter their store. There are a few plants known to man that have a very strong will to survive. Ones that don't need much care. One being the cactus. It doesn't require much water and as long as it has sunlight it should do fine, right? WRONG!! I actually killed a cactus, and it wasn't from neglect, I really did try. I only watered the poor thing when it was bone dry, and only when my mother said that I should, and it got plenty of sunlight, but somehow I sent it back to its maker. A cactus can brave the harsh climate of the desert, but given a week with me (yes I said a week) and it could go on no longer. Even my mother has no idea what happened to it. She said that she has never seen a plant die like that. Half was dried up like drift wood, and the other half disgustingly squishy as if it had gotten too much water. I single handedly took the life of the cactus, and do not know how. Was it fate? God? The poor thing did not even have the slightest chance, and I think that it knew it. I have often thought about that cactus, how I changed its life forever. I have officially ruled it's death a suicide.
Some people say that you can almost hear the plants screaming in pain when they see me coming. I often wonder if I give off some strange energy only detectable to plants.

This year my plant killing days are numbered. I, alright my husband is actually the one in charge of it, have a garden. I also tried starting some veggies indoors, and you know what? They are still alive, well most of them. OK, it's more like one fourth of them. OK, OK, it was four. Four plants out of about 15 survived long enough to be set free into the wild. But it's a start, right?