relationships

Oh why do relationships have to be so difficult, just when I was sure I found the right one?

Why do I have to keep thinking about how we were so happy at first? I will make my self go crazy thinking about how we were like two teenagers, silly, giggly, doing crazy things together that I would never have dreamed of doing before.

Oh no! I'm remembering again about when I first saw him that day on my doorstep on that bitter cold February night, it was love at first sight. He looked so handsome in his navy blue trousers and blue shirt, and such lovely white hair. I immediately felt like running my fingers through it, though I had never laid eyes on him before!
He was everything I had dreamed of. If I had made a list of attributes I desired in a man, I could have ticked off every single one!
When I answered the door, he nearly took my breath away! I could feel my heart pounding in my chest with anticipation.
He shook my hand. How funny that was I thought!
We talked and talked that night, and I felt like I had known him all my life. I felt so comfortable with him.

Now I'm just being darned cruel to myself thinking about how the relationship grew and soon we were living together. Weren't they such special times? We had such endearing play names for each other. Oh how I loved him! Yet somehow it all went wrong.
What about the silences and the lack of tenderness? What about the total breakdown of communication?

Think about the bad times! That will put a stop to all this mushy reminiscing!

There was she, a past love. Why did he always have to compare me to her as if she was some sort of Saint? After all, she was just flesh and blood like me!
But no, every time he was in a morose mood, it was always,
"Well she would have known how to get me out of it. She knew how to make me laugh at myself!"

My Goodness, didn't it take me all my time to cope with my own black moods, never mind cheer someone else up. Wasn't it a fact I wanted him to be the strong one who would bolster me up in bad times? After all he was such fun in the beginning.
Yes, and what about all that criticism all the time when nothing I could do was right?

Let's face it; I've got a low enough opinion of me without that, and it didn't take much for me to sink into depression! Slowly over the years, what was once good and happy became hopeless and painful.

I'm never going to get in that position again! From now on I'm going to value myself more! I do have a lot to offer. I am unique as God created me .I know he has a purpose for me, I just have to find it, that's all.

Still let's be realistic, I have learned a lot about life. I did experience true love, which was my one desire.

And now, how do I feel? I don't know how I feel about him; it's been 6 yrs now since the break-up of our marriage.

What would I say if I bumped into him in the street? After all he would still be the best looking man in town! I even saw him a few years back and stopped to say hello but he just ignored me like he had never known me at all.

Oh why do I feel such mixed emotions about him? Part of me wants to run to him right now and forget that we've ever been apart, and the other part wants to stay away, as far as possible.

But how shall I ever forget what we shared together; the laughter and fun?

How can anyone ever compare?