My Eternal Guilt...

Where do I begin…
Expressing feelings too deep to write?
I have thought and thought for months on end
To no avail do the words seem right….

I have much guilt and inward hate
I’ve cried to God and asked him why
I’m not even sure of my own beliefs
But still I pray and still I cry…

I knew not then the hurt I caused
Understanding is the hardest part
I ached inside for my own loss and grief
It was the one before me with torn heart…

She needed me and she looked to me
She walked about on broken glass
She tried to please me, tried to love me
Pushed away, she soon withdrew at last…

I resented her, I dreaded her, I didn’t understand
I wanted to love her, I needed to love her
My loss was too intense
I could not see beneath my pain....oh god it truly hurt…

This child was so innocent…so pure and so good
This child was my stepdaughter, my only one hope
She did nothing wrong and I want her to know
I now know that with her gone I did in fact love her
And now it’s too late….

I still feel my loss and the love I never knew
I stare at the pictures and wonder what if…
My sweet unborn baby and my sweet beloved Jenna
You will live with me always…in my heart
And my dreams….please forgive me my loves….

I will always love you true……………………..