The River

It started off like any other trip, one full of mishaps and despair, but I kept on going, the sensation was too great. The sun was in full effect and the insects would let me know if I was to fall asleep. My vehicle of choice was one full of adventure and fun but I knew that it wasn’t going to be that easy, I was full of anger and disparity but I kept on going because I felt like something was behind me telling me to keep going and to keep the spirit up. Winding down the river I was undeterred and ready for anything, the slightest thing would not get me upset. Learning the ropes was something I was used to, the world hadn’t got to me that bad and my experience outweighed the difficulties that would lie before me. Constant reminders of my past would linger and set in but not for long because the deep green and blue hues would ignite something deeper than anything that I had experienced before that. Decisions had popped up here and there but something told me that I was going in the right direction and I lead myself in deeper situations than this. Finding truth was the ultimate goal and I am ready to go past the deep fears and obstacles that had been laid before me. I am nothing of a prophet or someone of that stature, but I became overwhelmed with a sense of nature seeing past the dangers and cautions that came with that idea. I was ready for the undertaking, every turn and new discovery made it clear that I was in control and I can’t say for sure but I think I was becoming ever more clear and concise. My maneuverability was becoming more and more easy and simple, my pervious experience was taking a toll, but in a good way, I was learning in a new way, a way I was certainly unprepared for, but for some reason I wanted more, I wanted something in the way of inspiration and curiosity. With every move and muscle movement I could see the way and I could sense that I was unwavering, and unmovable. Certain things would seep into the very fabric of my soul but something overcame that, a higher power would push me over the shoulder or the head and head me in the right direction, a certain voice would come over me and lead me to the place I knew I had to be but I couldn’t see by myself. With every stroke I could see the future and what it had laid out for me, things didn’t get easier thought, confrontation was abound and the route I had taken was one of treachery and danger, but I am not the one to commit and lay down. Things began to get darker and lonelier I was on my own at this point, the sun had settled and the greens were getting more brown and yellow. Silence was breaking its way into my subconscious and an eerie feeling would overcome me every once and a while, but for some reason a calmness would settle my nerves and I wanted to continue. The mind does play many tricks and the silence was taking hold over and over until it was too much to bear. I needed an answer, some kind of life preserver, something to hold on to, something I could feel and touch. Things begin to slip, I came overwhelmed with fear, and I couldn’t do the things I used to be able to do. Clouded and confused I was running into everything, a simple turn became unbearable, a simple direction made me dread the next oncoming fork in the road, but something kept me in line. A force unknowing to me was there to guide my misguided thoughts. Gaining momentum I would slip but only for a second then back to reality, the dangers were there but my mind and body were too strong, the currents were now back in my favor and I felt alive. Piercing through the trees was a strong sense of life and belonging and I was in a different place, a place never before reached in my own realm of reality. My mind was open and alive for once in my life and for a brief couple of seconds I felt as if I was amid a special opportunity that I will never feel or see again. Once again my mind was in a place of sanctity and beauty, the trees and wind never seemed so organic and real. I needed this, I needed a place to better see the world below me, I needed to see myself in a different perspective, and I needed to breathe in some natural air and see, see for real. Words didn’t mean anything to me at that moment my mind was in control and I couldn’t help but laugh and smile and remember what it used to be like. Things became simple and my journey back was to be one of splendor not work and worry. The winds had taken me by the hand and shirt and I felt at that moment that I was one with the very essence of life, moving back and forth like a leaf moving ever so gently in the water after falling so far from birth, nothing could ever take me away from that moment and pleasure. Things seemed easier, a few hours seemed liked days but as far as I was concerned I had learned a thing or two about myself and the environment I was living in. My eyes seemed brighter and my mind more open to the way things actually are. Green hues and orange colors seemed brighter and the sky opened up as if to show me a special show only for my eyes. I remember as a kid when I would run up and down the grassy hill just to get that feeling of euphoria, just to feel my insides and get satisfaction from it. Now I know why I take these travels and why I never need to stop just being the one that sits and waits. I need these feelings and memories to get through life and the many journeys that I have before me. I need emotion and satisfaction from everything I have gone through and will go through. Make me smile and laugh and feel good. I will always remember the times I had with the people that made me so happy.