Thoughts of a Wandering Soul

There goes by days, when I wonder what this life means. Why do people act this way on this earth? My life, up till now, has been filled with pain, sorrow, regrets, annoyance, agony, at times as well as those rare times of happiness. Those times of happiness when I feel at one with my surroundings, with my associates. With the world around me. I haven’t felt that way in a while. Maybe I am not meant to feel this way. Maybe I am not meant to be happy, at least not yet. Maybe I will never be happy. I work hard everyday in hopes of becoming a professional boxer. A warrior in the ring, in hopes of one day becoming a champion. To win a belt, an undeniable artifact of my dominance and success. Maybe then, I will be happy. Maybe I will not receive my place in the sun and will forever wander this earth without meaning to what my life has to offer. I cannot deal with ignorant people in my school anymore. I want to leave school and pursue my real life, undisturbed by immature airheads, and immature students who like to bring drama into my stress-filled life. I have grown accustomed to certain pains and certain faults of myself, as well as faults of this earth. But there are many that I do not know of, yet. This world is full of lies, deceit, anger, deception, regrets, pain, and filth. There is not many times where I have experienced happiness. I will not succumb to what the devil wants me to do, to kill myself. No, I believe in my Lord and I follow his ways. So I must deal with this life he has chosen for me to live. I must walk the path of an empty man looking for a purpose, who has found a purpose, but not sure of its complete legitimacy as my future. I want to find someone who can relate to me and bring happiness into my world. Someone who understands me, trusts me, and loves me for who I am and what I stand for. Without this special person in my life, my life is based upon an alternate reality. A reality which I want to believe, but sometimes cannot usher up the strength to go on. This country, and perhaps this world, has some major issues. People need to be treated as they are people, not an ant in the field, being stepped on and spat on. People need rights, a right to live in peace, a right to make their own choices, the right to live their lives without fear of police or the government in which runs the country they dwell in. People need to learn to be respectful and know how to treat people correctly. George Bush and the other members, who work in secret organizations to run this country, and perhaps the world, need to be rid of. They need to be, but will never be. There is a never ending place for these people in society, their positions re secured, at least until they make a mistake and get rid of by their own. We the people have no power; we are pawns in a greater world stage. We must go to war and die for the ignorance of the rulers of his nation, and the world. This world needs to realize the needs of people. This world needs to realize that not all people are evil. This world needs to realize that people have to have the right to live, without dying for the stupidity of wars. I cannot begin to analyze life like this. For life is too gigantic and complex for us humans to understand, and to be woven into the words and sentences in which we have invented. Only God can understand this life he has given us. This whole universe He has created for us to dwell in, to govern ourselves until His time of judgment. Sometimes I wish He did not give us these governing powers. Sometimes I wish His holiness would step in more often, to help the people in need in this world. There is suffering and deception all around. Very little happiness. On the subways and public transportations, I cannot see more than 1/20th of the people riding that can be classified as having a happy appearance. This world is too hard, the people, too lazy and ignorant, the government, too corrupt and uncaring. The world, too small a speck in the universe for us to be of any real divine importance.