Scribbled down after a dream I had about the ones no longer in my life. |
"Between Dream and Awake" Trapped in the wake of my own dreams seemingly real, but, its only an illussion so close to me again, yet, still so far away and life is a dream for the dead should this offer some sort of condolence? peace of mind, or, just nothing at all? I'm not sure, though, I'm never sure anymore anyway the ones that went before me cannot steady the unrest I feel now for how long remains a blur to me. Crying, sitting, talking, and seemingly oblivious to me, to my presence, of all that I am silence as I stand alone in front of the full-length mirror of the darkened room I remained observing the body of my dead, seemingly, in eternal rest She sat up looking into the mirror, can she see? is she aware? blinking rapidly, as though she were alive again she looks at my mirror reflection speaking words that fall upon deaf-end ears I feel compelled to move out of the doorway's light, and further into the cold darkness of the room Her gaze broken from the dusty mirror turns to me she faces me, I stumble backwards un-able to meet her empty-unempty gaze I just stare into the darkness of the room she seems to be alive again Though I know other-wise choking on un-spoken words, as, everything comes crashing down around me scrambling to pick up the shards and form them into shapes again speaking familiar words that I cannot hear, that I cannot remember speaking only to me?! words learned only to be forgotten, just, as quickly leaving me confused, wondering, pondering.... she is dead, isn't she? Or maybe I've just lost my mind? am I insane? Am I really this far gone? could the others hear this? has death's touch insanity taken my minds place? or maybe just denial? And still my questions go un-answered un-voiced for fear of judgement she still remains speaking, still unheard words a warning, or was it advice? I know not, I have to leave this place. Alone, outside the room, in a daze I'm left to my own thoughts and insanities those I know and love carry the coffin, closed, into another place with her body entombed forever inside grief replaces the darkened silences. Everyone goes their separate ways I'm alone fighting my own fears inside my head in the room where the coffin resides I brave a glance, thinking about the person it encases. staring blankly into the dark only to re-focus on her coffin. The silence is suffocating and over-whealming but its all that I've got; my only company thoughts still rage inside my head rendering me numb, and, not comfortably either contemplating all these things. Still I stare at the coffin before me ( I can't look away) that lays in shadows and I know, yes, I know life is just a dream for the dead I'll fight to remember her words to me tonight! singing the sorrow, or, an unknown song?! Will the words come 'round again? and I'll be pinned again caught between this dream-nightmare and being awake everything is a blur of thing's I'll never remember. And a dream I won't soon forget, leaving me forever haunted, unhappily so echos of the past still marking me, but, for how long? and nothing is right between being trapped in a dream and awake reality is just the matter of preception.... |