My Wonderful Sissy

My wonderful Sissy,

There are no words to express my gut-wrenching grief at the loss of you. I know how very much you love me and feel you with me as I write this. I know how unfair it is of me to keep you from all the wonderful experiences you are putting on hold while you care for me. It is selfish of me to want to never let you go.

I also know you do not mind and will, like you always have, stay as long as I need you to. I want to hug you for this, throw myself into your lap and cry my grief away as I have done so often in the past. I want you to sniff my forehead and tell me how everything is going to be o.k. because that is the best smell in the whole world. I want to laugh about how we will grow old and sassy together. I want to cry together over pains and sorrows that will cross our path.

I want to grasp your hand in mine, our united front against the fools who attempt to damage us, and pity them for it. For we have seen damage, and learned how to thrive from it. We made a pact long ago, the promise of together. We could never really be damaged as long as we had each other.

On this path we faced and survived many things. Each time our bond grew stronger and stronger, until a bond no stronger existed anywhere else, at any time in history. And although we began to complain a bit more as the bitterness of life introduced itself, deep down our bond enabled us to feel finally safe, foolishly invincible, and as a consequence we became truly happy. Happy to be doing life together and having pity upon attempts to damage that.

The attempt came, this time from The Reaper himself and our powers were useless against such a force. Our bodies were separated. I know our bond was not one born of flesh and blood, but of spirit and soul; love as it was meant to be: unconditional, non-judgmental, genuine, and pure. A trust no greater existed for either of us. For this reason I know death did not break our connection. Ours is a connection even death could not find.

The time has come, too soon for me, and I must find a way to set you free. I must let you go so you can continue the good work you started in this phase of your journey. Forgive me for having a hard time doing this.

Even though I know our force is stronger now than it ever was, for it has survived the ultimate test. Once again we faced. This time we were separated, and with one final chance to prove it always true, we grew stronger. You are able to give me so many gifts while you care for me in my time of sorrow. As a final testament to the last validation of everything we always knew to be true.

Validation. I feel you laughing at the foolishness of our fixation with always needing it so desperately.

The exchange for this added strength in our bond is the very price you paid. In the message you keep sending me about being free, I am at total peace with your end of this deal. I feel safer when I think of your peace and freedom.

But I am foolishly in a state where I would trade in my safety and selfishly take back your peace and freedom to have you sitting here in flesh and blood instead. I feel so cruel to wish that for you in my selfish confused state, but the beast of grief is biting deep.

I feel your sense of understanding and am ashamed. That understanding affords me the final visit of the unconditional love you have for me. I know you understand as ours is a rare and beautiful connection. We spent our favorite moments learning through life’s lessons together.

The unconditional love was reciprocated. I constantly hear you telling me how sorry you are that I have to feel sorrow and grief, while you get to rejoice, be happy, free, peaceful, and content. The exchange seems cruel, sealed with the most beautiful mark upon a spirit possible.

Goodnight for now My Sissy,

I will love you forever.