RadioActivity

Family dinners with MY family aren't exactly the highlight of my day....nor would they be anyone else's...So, today, like every other day, my family tried to have a decent, safe, perfectly sensible, absolutely normal family dinner together...But heck, who were we trying to kid??? 5 minutes into dinner my sister starts her session of 'Unnecessary Unwanted Information' and excitedly starts to complain about how she is suddenly losing hair..A LOT of hair.

She claims that her sudden mysterious affliction is the product of exposure to high levels of radiation and then... proceeded to pull out a chunk of hair to prove her point. Yeah, THAT helps, pull out a nice healthy chunk of hair, why don't you...pull all the still healthy hair out so there'll be nothing left to fall out... I'm sure her hair loss is DEFINITELY on its way to recovery NOW...

*rolls eyes*

My mom, upon hearing the word 'radiation', instantly goes mental, like, super-bonkers, and proceeds to check her head...the same way most monkeys check each other for ticks..only except,well, my Mom didn't eat whatever she found off my sister's scalp.

Like, hello...its DINNER and people are trying to, like, EAT....Its no wonder I lost like 30 pounds since my mom started cooking...... The last thing I absolutely needed at dinner was hair flying over my food and my mom listing out potential skin diseases that my sister could have contracted...What with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder problem and everything, I simply couldn't deal with the mental images of hair and bits of epidermis flying around in the air....

Then finally, after meticulous inspection, mom comes to this conclusion : It must be the goddammned deodorant/ makeup/shampoo my sister secretly buys on her shopping trips with friends...They turn you radioactive, she pronounces... Her exact words were, " Its the deodorant. See, what did I tell you about deodorants?? They're radioactive, they give you cancer. See, SEE what's happening now??" Great, here it is again...the "Everything-is-evil-and-it-gives-you-cancer-that-will- eventually-lead- to-a-horrible-painful-death" speech.

I know, I know, you're probably going "OMAIGAWD! People live this way??!" in complete and utter shock. Its true, if I didn't fortunately have a healthy allowance....oh, I shudder to think of all the stuff I might have been deprived of....To my mom, EVERYTHING is a potential cancer hazard... from non-organically grown veggies, to mobile phones (okay, maybe!), to toothpaste... TOOTHPASTE!! So,well, I guess I should be glad that she's pretty much loosened up over the years...

My sister protests in defence of her beloved deodorant...she claims she hasn't used it since my mom banned her from it...You know what I really think her problem is?? She's not being exposed to radiation, she's being overexposed to Mom's amazing 'scientifically-proven' ideologies that say EVERYTHING gives you cancer and turns you radioactive.. Its true, she says, EVERYTHING, right down to the nylon-thread clothes you wear and the greasy french fries you eat.. EVERYTHING GIVES YOU CANCER!!!

Now, with that as your mantra... What's a girl to do to be B.O. free??

You see, this is the part that would be unfair, not just to her, but to me and the rest of civilised society. That's because, well, my sister doesn't exactly smell like MNG's Cut for Woman all day long y'know...like, when she comes home from school, its like, 'WOOHOO! SOMEBODY OPEN A WINDOW PLEASE!!!' Heck, her B.O. actually POLLUTES the air now...and its not like she's the kind of person who's extremely excited about taking baths or anything (which I completely understand, seeing as to how she's not allowed to use my fabulous scented shower gel....well, we can't al be so lucky).

Clearly, it obviously has to be a scientifically proven fact that people can't smell their own B.O. or I'm sure she'd be in a constant state of vegetation (hey, it makes me dizzy when I smell her coming up the stairs from my room..I'm that far and it does that to me..you do the math...

I don't mean to be super-mean about it or anything (No, really, I don't!) but its a fact that my sister has B.O. that tends to hit knockout levels at times...Which is exactly why its unfair to take away her deodorant...the only thing saving the trees and plants in the vicinity from fading away with the rest of us...I mean, HELLO, its not okay to use deodorant which may be radioactive (which, by the way, is NOT a scientifically proven theory) but its perfectly fine to let someone whose B.O. is potentially lethal to walk around the city without any means of risk control?? Who sees the logic in that?!

Poor thing, she's so gullible...At the rate she goes she's destined to be a bonafide paranoid B.O. reeking, shampoo- label-checking, measuring-tape-toting, food-boling-only, health freak version of my Mom.... My gawd...I can't imagine the pride my mom would radiate... NOW HOW'S THAT FOR BEING RADIOACTIVE??!....