Andrew

It’s not the looks or the comments that bother her. It’s the constant whispering. At
thirteen it's hard to explain to your friends that you can’t go to their party, it’s even
harder to tell them that you have to stay home and baby-sit your 20-year-old brother. Sage
just has to remind herself that they couldn’t understand.

They are incapable of understanding.

Little things like yelling his name into the men’s room to make sure he’s okay doesn’t
seem normal to passing people.

But Sage doesn’t consider herself normal. She feels more in touch with reality
but still disconnected from the real world. Certainly not a normal person.

Her Saturdays don’t consist of shopping or hanging out with friends. She stays home with
Andrew so that her mom can get groceries bought and pick up the few items that are
provided for them from the Salvation Army. She has always been told that it would have
been different if daddy were around. It wasn’t his fault. He cracked. Any parent would,
he just couldn't deal with it as well as her mom. He was a good man, he just couldn’t
deal.

The medical bills were stacking up, and after losing his job he had a meltdown. She had
always known her dad to have meltdowns when life wasn’t catering to his needs. Then the
calls started coming, he would tell Sage to tell the people that asked for him that he
wasn’t home, even if they sounded familiar. But, they started coming to the door he would
hide in the basement while they took everything of value from the place the called home.
When all of that was gone they took the car and the house too.

Her mom worked two jobs trying to keep up, but she and her family still ended up in
homeless shelter for over 6 months.

The nights at the shelter always consisted of Andrew sitting on the corner his bed,
avoiding people’s stares with Sage either in the “TV Room” or playing the games provided
by generous citizens from the community. You couldn’t play real complicated games with
Andrew; he was a three-year-old trapped in a twenty-year-old's body. That
wasn’t an unusual aspect for Downs Syndrome suffers, neither were heart complications.
Unfortunately, Andrew had both of these problems. The short attention span and low
intelligence weren’t anything to worry about, but the heart problems were what racked up
the medical bills.

He had already had three heart surgeries, which was what got the family into the
financial trouble. But the six months in the shelter, they were walking a fine line; the
heart medication wasn’t affordable even with the two jobs that their mom was working. He
didn’t show any signs of problems for the first five months, but after that he started
eating less and sleeping more. Then, coughing up blood.

One night as Andrew coughed and wheezed in his sleep, Sage’s father mumbled under his
breath, “I’m going to go buy some smokes.”

This surprised Sage, as her dad had quit when they lost the house.

Staring after him, she knew the truth even before he walked out the door. He was
never coming back.

Andrew was still wheezing when her mom walked in, still dressed in her Wal-Mart uniform.
It was payday, which usually had her in a good mood, but her face fell upon hearing
Andrew.

"What are we going to do?" She asked, sitting on the cot she had come to know as her own.


"I am supposed to tell you that Dad went out for some cigarettes," Sage said. "He left
about three hours ago." She said this as if it were normal. Her mom was on her feet as soon as she heard this.

“What do you mean it’s been about three hours,” she yelled, now the whole shelter was
watching.

“It has been three hours since he left to go get cigarettes.” Sage said, keeping her
face calm and free of emotion.

Her mom grew silent; the same feeling that Sage had had as her dad walked out the shelter
door was now overcoming her mother. Walking over to the payphone she called the police,
giving his description and where he was last seen.

It seemed pointless; he was miles away by now. Even if he was still in town, he was
stubborn. If he didn't want to be found he wouldn't be found.

Andrew was oblivious to the fact that his father was gone; he didn't notice anything
anymore. There was a blank look in his eyes all the time now. His coughing and wheezing
was getting worse every day and every morning she braced herself for what may have happened
in the night. The weight he was losing became noticeable, his ribs stuck out two inches
and his cheekbones were more defined than ever.

Sage was worried.

Three months and another surgery later they had a trailerhouse to call home. Sage and her
mother both worked to keep up on the never-ending bills that seem to come even before the
other ones are sent off.

Andrew haunts her thoughts whenever she isn't with him, especially at school. He usually
stays at home, eats and watches TV all day. But, when that doesn't satisfy him he would
comes up with "bright" ideas. He couldn't help it he thought it was a good idea to go swimming
in the lake when it was 30 degrees out.

The highlight of Andrew's day is 3:00 when the mail comes. He goes and meets the mailman
and his Lab that accompanies him on his rounds.

Sage didn't think anything of it when she got home and Andrew met her at the door,
anticipating the time when she would read the mail to him. Going through the pile she
found that it was just bills and advertisements. Walking into the room where he was
watching Sponge Bob she told him that there was no mail to read today.

Not even looking away from his show he replied,” Yes there is Sage."

He handed her a post card with a picture of a beautiful beach on the front.

On the inside it read:

Hey,
Just wanted to let you know that I am all right.

Dad

Sage read through this several times before crumpling it up and tossing it into the
trashcan across the room.

"Why didn't you read it," Andrew asked, looking up from his show.

"It was just a flyer Andrew," she said.

"Oh," he said. "Well, maybe Tony and Jake will bring us some good mail tomorrow."

"Tony and Jake?" She asked.

"Tony and Jake, the guy who brought the bad mail today and his dog," Andrew said,
obviously annoyed by her question.

"Oh," she said.

She loved her daddy. Why didn't he include a phone number and an address? Did he not want
to be found?

When her mother got home Sage agonized over whether or not to mention the postcard. She
decided in the end that it was best not to, why get her mom all upset over something that
doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes Sage thought if it weren't for Andrew that they could all be one big happy
family, like they talk about in fairy tales. But, then she reminds herself that without
Andrew they wouldn't be one big happy family. There would be something missing. Andrew
has been a part of her life since the day she was born, she wouldn't be complete without
him.

Andrew occupied her life, her mind, and her heart. She wouldn't have it any other way.

Andrew's quirky personality made him fun. Sage enjoyed his company; she didn't understand
why people were so uncomfortable around disabled people.

People would say things to her mom like, "Is she comfortable walking around alone with
him?" Or "For a fifteen-year-old she sure isn't to embarrassed to be seen with someone...
like him."

Mom would politely change the subject or find a reason to excuse herself. Sage wasn't
nearly that polite when she was asked questions like that.

As a young child Sage was asked by an acquaintance of her mother's if her and Andrew
fought a lot like... normal siblings.

Sage replied, "why, yes of course, we are just the typical "Brady Bunch" family."

She rarely had friends over, and if they did come over it was a one-time deal. The times
she invited them after that always held old excuses. "I can't today, I have to get my
hair done," "It's my turn to make supper," or her favorite, "Maybe some other time, today
just won't work."

Ana was special; she came over the first time and talked to Andrew as if she were
completely comfortable. Sage was amazed,
Sage frequently commented on her comfort and tolerance toward Andrew. Ana would just shrug and politely
change the subject.

Ana came over frequently; she became almost a permanent fixture in the house. Sage's
mother would take enough out for four people, just assuming that the folding chair they
had gotten out of the closet would be filled that night.

Ana's mother worked days, and with Ana over at our house from late afternoon until dark
she claimed that she had no motherly duties anymore. She came to pick up Ana and
exchanged a few pleasant words with Sage and her mother. Andrew would wave to her from
the television, and later on after getting to know her better yell out, "Hi Mrs.
Mitchell." She would wave back, her blank face showing even less expression than usual.

Sage always had the feeling that she was avoiding something and always rushing out the
door.

Andrew started to get weaker, he didn't like to get up and move around anymore. He stouggled getting up from a chair and after walking short distances he would become short of breath. Things
that excited him before didn't seem to anymore. He didn't crack his goony jokes as
frequently and smiled very rarely.

His doctor declared him "lazy", he said that this happened to most Sage's mother wasn't
satisfied with this answer and went for a second opinion.

The second doctor declared that his heart was not pumping enough blood. Surgery was
necessary in the next week for any chance of survival.

They were all-comfortable with the idea of surgery, even Andrew. As they were inserting
the anesthetic into his arm he said to his mother and sister,” see you later."

Three hours passed with no talk of Andrew. After four hours Sage's mother's face creased
with worry lines and her once content smile turned into a straight line.

Five hours later the doctor came out and glanced around the waiting room. Walking over to
them he kept his eyes on his feet, almost as though he thought they were going to escape
from his body.

"Ms. Brier?" he asked, glancing up at Sage and her mother. Is face said it all. Sage's mother dropped to her knees and started sobbing.

Reaching down and grabbing the hopeful mother's hand he said, "Your son's heart gave out
during this operation."

Sage's mother looked up at the doctor and nodded. They all sat in silence for a minute or so. Dropping her hand he walked back into the swinging doors.

Sage's mother leaned back into one of the hard waiting room chairs as though her legs had
given out. She closed her eyes and thought about what she had just been told.

Staring out the car window Sage's head was filled with thoughts but she wasn't thinking
about anything. She was numb from shock. It just didn't make sense.

Arriving at home Sage's mother started calling all the relatives and friends and
organizing the funeral.

Sage sat in her room thinking about the events of the day. Without knowing it she started to
sob uncontrollably. She had never felt this level of sadness.

Done crying she felt weak, like even if she tried to move that she couldn't.

She thought about Ana who hadn't come over for supper that night assuming that they would
still be at the hospital with Andrew. She picked up the phone and dialed the number that
she had come to know so well.

Ana answered the phone on the first ring. Before she had a chance to say anything else
Sage exploded. Her story came out in pieces and was frequently interrupted by sobs.
Before she was finished she heard her friend crying softly on the other end.

"I know how you feel," Ana said. "Her name was Jenny..."


This piece is dedicated to my Special Olympics Swim Team. They inspired this story.