Marriage and Other Scary Things

Several friends and I were recently gathered around a smoke-filled table at a neighborhood pub, shooting the breeze as we often do on our collective weekend evenings. We imbibed on pitchers of cheap beer, smoked tavern-style vending machine cigarettes, and ranted about almost anything that popped into our feeble minds.

Most of the discussions that transpired, however amusing, were so much crap talk that we wreaked not only of smoke and alcohol by the end of the night, but also of the pungent stench of one another's bullshit opinions on anything even remotely controversial. (Or so, by night's end, we made each harmless topic to be.) Although I really don't think any of us cared deeply about any of the issues we brought up, one or two among the group would be first to verbalize convictions they claim to possess.

Then, out of the blue, someone started talking about marriage. Normally, the topic would not be taboo, but when our group—comprised mostly of (seemingly) "happy-to-be-single" adults—speak of the "m-word," it is usually followed by a punch line. How the topic came up that evening, however, was when one of us talked about a couple of mutual friends who have decided to tie the proverbial knot. This, in itself, was already enough reason for mockery, but that wasn't the basis of the heated discussion that ensued.

A week or so ago, when the bride-to-be (we'll call her "Xena") bumped into one of the members of the group (we'll call him "Mick"), she showed him her ring and announced that she was getting married. Mick was somewhat bothered by the lack of any mention of love, or enduring union, or any of the other lovey-dovey talk that he believed accompanies a matrimonial declaration. Instead, Mick noted that Xena was more focused on, and was, in his opinion, flaunting her obviously expensive ring.

Predictably, there were those in our group--particularly, the women--who immediately disagreed with Mick's assessment, and were all-too-quick to dismiss it as senseless banter. After all, one noted, it's not every day that a woman gets married. This--however untrue for Liz Taylor, Nicole Kidman, and about two-thirds of the population of Beverly Hills--is a "big deal" and women tend to attach a high emotional value to everything related to their wedding, the most important symbolic aspect of which is the wedding ring. But if it were only symbolic, then shouldn't a foil cigar band contain as much power as a ring that cost thousands of dollars? And does cost determine the value a couple places on their union?

I suppose the real answer lies in one's own values and principles. If one places little or no importance on material possessions, one is less likely to romanticize a glittering rock perched on a golden metal band, and would sooner gush over the born on date on the bottom of a Budweiser. In contrast, for those who do believe in the magic created by amassing an inordinate collection of things, having a multi-thousand dollar ring adorning the appropriate finger may hold more meaning than simply happiness made manifest. It may also mean that, aside from those intangible aspects of a couple's union (such as love, togetherness, and whatnot), there (must) exist the "proof" of their love for each other.

Don't get me wrong. I do not consider "bragging about that heck of a sparkler" pretentious or lacking a values-based perspective. After all, something has to say to people, "Hey, I'm getting married here!" Besides, walking around with a foil cigar band around your finger--despite its romantic connotations--would have most people questioning your sanity.