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Rated: 18+ · Fiction · Comedy · #1079573
This satire is what happens during a bad news day.
PORTLAND, Ore. – Local horticulturist, Andrea Glick, 23, was arrested for the grizzly murder of two eastern lilies, a ficus tree, and three chrysanthemum varietals that were discovered in the basement of her North Portland home Wednesday evening. A seventh victim, a Boston fern, was later found tucked behind a rusted lawn mower in a neighbor’s tool shed.

“That was a suicide! A suicide!” a handcuffed Glick cried, as local law enforcement officials were escorting her from her home. Later, at the police station, after five hours of interrogation, Glick confessed to the murders, and admitted to having been responsible for at least fifty other plants' deaths in the past two years. Local police have expanded their search around Glick’s home to attempt to find evidence of these alleged additional victims.

Glick, originally from Springfield, Ore., was fired in February from her job as a Plant Specialist, at the nursery department of the Safeway store, located on North Interstate. Store management has declined to be interviewed, but did indicate that it was because of poor work performance.

Several of Glick’s former co-workers agreed to speak with the press. “I’m shocked,” commented Peter Dailey, shift supervisor at the deli department. “Andrea always seemed so nice and decent. It’s amazing what you don’t know about what people do outside of work.” Another former co-worker, who requested to remain anonymous, described Glick simply as having “a natural green thumb” and was equally surprised about the crime.

Neighbors of Glick’s are upset about the news. “She’s a fraud!” yelled Caroline Lee, next-door neighbor, and owner of the tool shed in which one of the victims was found, “I bought over a dozen plants in the last six months based on her recommendations. How would I know if they’d survive, huh? How would I know?”

Over 50 pounds of unopened bags of fertilizer and brand new pruning shears were among the key pieces of supporting evidence found at the scene.

Glick is being held on $50,000 bail. Hearing is set for late April.
© Copyright 2006 Sam N. Yago (jonsquared at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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