My December

It was my time, my time to have something decent happen in my life
My time to have someone special
My time to finally have someone like you
I hate you

Things were so bad, but seemed so perfect
Like putting a bunch of salt on something to cover up the shitty taste
But I didn't know it was going to end
As I called it, it was "too good to be true"
I hate you

Feelings surfaced, we didn't know what to do
It was just go with the flow and seemed easy
And yet again, so perfect
I hate you

It was time things opened up
Things were said, nothing held back
Secrets, fantasies, death wishes, fetishes, dreams
We shared with each other
I hate you

We planned a life together
Again it seemed so perfect
We were going to be together
We didn't care who knew, as long as it was you and me
And we didn't care who it hurt in the process

Nothing else mattered
Just you and me
We planned on moving in together
Having some fun

Distance didn't matter
Later, it started to take its toll
On me first
I hated being away from you
You confessed you hated being away from me

I listened to your theory
"It's better this way... just think of it this way... What if?... Then I would've been crushed... when we see each other again... It'll be special..."
I think this both helped us cope with the way things were
God I fuckin' hate you

I started taking it really hard, you did too
You made your decision that you couldn't handle the long distance thing
You needed someone there, just as much as I needed you there too
"I love her to death, but I just can't do it anymore..."
Fuckin' coward... I hate you

We didn't go out, but it seemed we broke up
You were scared of the distance, you were scared of nearness, you were confused, you couldn't take it anymore
But we still love each other... bullshit

That was my time you made perfect
That was my way to cope, having you in my life
That was my December, when everything fell into place
That's when it seemed so perfect for the both of us
We knew what we wanted, and we wanted it bad
Too bad we're too alike, but that's what kept us going
Then it was suddenly gone, I was left in the dark
Like turning the light off in a room with no windows

Now I'm afraid to love again

I hate you!
I fucking hate you!
I hate you!
I fucking hate you!
Oh God...
I love you!
I love you
I love you...