I've Lost All

I've lost all I'm meant to care for
And all who I used to know
I wish I could go back more
I wish I could never grow
Because now I have nothing, what I had was all
I'm worth so much less, I'm heading for a fall
With no one to guide me and no one to say
"You'll be better off if you die another day"
I was always suicidal, always wishing for death
I wanted to overdose on crystal meth
I was stopped by a best friend that doesn't exist now
And right now I needed her to disallow
My use of alcohol, steroids, painkillers and drugs
I'm missing her so much and her heartwarming hugs
What more can I do but let the pain seep in
As I feel my teardrops fall down off my chin
Knowing it was my fault you died that day
Leaves me with little less than nothing to say
I ended your life on a day so nice
Being given the test score of 98 percent twice
You were heading for university and I was heading nowhere
Now all I see is a coffin and a cold dead stare
Why did things go so fatally wrong
My heart cracks now to your favourite song
I used to become warmer and I used to smile big
But now I just watch as these old men dig
The hole for your final resting domain
And now I put my head up and I see the light of my train
It's coming right at me, finally I say
It seems suicide was the answer, it'll save my day
By bringing me closer to the one I love, you
When I die it's because of the girl I pursue...