If I Had Fingernails

I’d claw the girl who dirty danced uninvited in my face last night
I’d claw the girl who pinched my arse from her bar stool
I’d claw the girl who adjusts a boob tube over her self starved form
in the pub when I’m contemplating the league ladder
I’d claw the girl who remarked too loudly for just her friends to hear
that men with stubble are the biggest turn off
who flaunts her breasts and smiles her wet Revlon smile
to get what she wants. I’m not a fucking pervert
who thinks with his dick, a drooling sperm bank
who is easily manipulated by hollow flirting
I’d claw the girl who played hard to get
who was just in it for the chase, who says
of course size matters
and gasps theatrical disgust at the man with a hairy back
I’d claw the girl who knows what I really meant
to whom every compliment is a Trojan Horse
I’d claw the girl who can do anything I can do better
then plays damsel in distress to avoid the heavy work
who ties men around her finger, who starts I’m not a feminist but …
I’d claw the feminist who will not permit me to agree
who spits haven’t you done enough already?
I’d claw the girl who is passive in bed, who offers nothing of herself
and makes me say sorry when she doesn’t come. I’m not a fucking
machine

If I had fingernails I’d scratch the back of the girl
who doesn’t touch a penis like she’s cleaning out a toilet
who can talk openly about her period
who won’t ostracise me in whispered, giggling girl talk
I’d scratch the back of the girl who says you’ll be a great father
without sounding like the sheriff to his deputy
I’d scratch the back of the girl who tells me No
who won’t submit to sex just to shut me up. Unrequited lust
I’d scratch the back of the girl who makes mistakes
who expects to give as many sincere apologies as she receives
I’d scratch the back of the girl who likes to get messy
who doesn’t blame me for the tyranny of make up
who compliments my shirt and lets me open her car door
I’d scratch the back of the girl who appreciates affirmative action
who never plays the victim. I have no power over you.

If I had fingernails I’d claw the man who abused his power
who monstered men, who criminalised me
who makes girls cross the road to avoid me in a darkened street
who makes me reassure her I’m not like other guys
the white heterosexual male who stole my voice
I’d claw the man who made me hesitate
before I even lifted the pen