The idea itself is not bad, but the grammar and spelling is. I could read this just fine with the spelling errors, but not with all the serious grammar errors. You can download programs like OpenOffice that have spellcheck for free.
To start with, every time a new character talks, you must make a new paragraph. Also, every time a character speaks, you must have quotation marks around the quote. At times, it is very difficult to tell who is talking.
You don't have enough proper paragraphs, either. Each new idea deserves its own paragraph, something you have either neglected or chosen to ignore. This makes you seem like an amature.
Most punctuation is also nonexistant or incorrect. Please, read a book on grammar, or ask a friend for help. Your paragraphs seem to be nothing more than a giant run-on sentence.
Just as important as spelling and grammar is the point of view. The way you have it now makes it look messy and is not enjoyable to read. I suggest you either choose one point of view and stick to it, or at least let the reader know when the point of view changes.
What I have mentioned above, at least to me, takes away from a story that could be very good.
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