"Daisy was walking towards the new buildings in her country, when she felt like her legs are directing her to stay away the new buildings,(...)"
It's 'were' past tense.
or change the sentence to something that expresses the idea better, like:
"(...)the legs didn't want to move," or "I felt that i had to stay away from the buildings"
Same paragraph, 2nd line:
"She felt danger, yet the desire to go inside was stronger, than her own.She tried to fight, she tried to flee, but nothing worked her legs were walking on their own."
Suggestion: change it to: "She could feel danger; Although, controlled by impulse she was unable to run." - minimalist idea
or
"She could feel danger; Although, against her will, she could not resist her own curiosity, and her legs, seemed to have a mind of their own for the walked her right in. Once inside, (...)"
I just noticed that this text was written in 2010... no modifications since.
You write your sentences in the present and past at the same time. I would suggest you to write everything in the past since most of story is written in the past.
I would advice you, too, since 3 years have passed, for you to reread your story and find ways to improve it.
In the Second Paragraph you are constantly repeating the idea that she can't control her impulses. you don't need to write or expressed it in every single line.
sweet and touching, Love your words... never lost anyone like you did, but the way you feel when you lose someone that you love more than you can even imagine, more than life can comprehend... it hurts, it really does... you've my 5 stars for everything, from the words to the feelings.
Love it, I could say a lot to make this review useful to you, but I prefer to remain in silence since those words are not something that I really care to remember not because I don't like thenm I do love what you have written above, but because they remind me of someone that was gone before I could even know her or be her "friend".
British?
xdoe
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