I liked the way the beginning drew me in. I was already involved in the story, so I couldn't just turn away when I found out it was about death. People tend to avoid those kinds of stories, only because they don't want to think about death and how it might affect them. I really liked the connections made with the purse, the different compartments etc. "Mine has zippered sections for confidential items, an opened section on the outside for items I need to reach quickly with little fuss and two very deep inner pockets held together by a snapped strap". Did you mean to say that you compartmentalized your feelings, hiding some in the "two deep inner pockets"? Very nice analogy. Nicely written. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Nice little poem. I think it's cute and meaningful, and if it means something to you, you shouldn't change a thing. The only Ithing I would suggest is this: The last line could be more poetic, written in the same fanciful style as the rest of the poem. I feel that it was cut off before it got started. Please consider lengthening this poem to get the point across in a stronger way. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
I really enjoyed this part of your poem! I completely agree with the message it sends. This part has a nice flow and cadence:
Take a look
At the magic of a child's mind,
Relax, unwind,
Remember how to laugh and love,
Only then will you rise above,
Stop and think, in a simple, blunt way,
Sit, look, learn, stay,
Like an infant learning to walk,
Crawl or talk,
Stumble a little bit,
Don't force a smart-wit,
Say what's on your mind,
Be generous and kind,
Try, every once and a while,
To recapture the magic within a child!
This part has a nice flow and cadence.
The beginning is a bit long, and I tend to drift when I read it. Also, it is a little choppy and you might want to work on the rhyming. I think a poem should either rhyme or it shouldn't (free-verse), but it should never do both. Also, you drift from one subject to another. Work on being more specific, and creating a better flow, shorten it a bit and you'll have a great poem.
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