You managed to grab my attention all the way to the end which is a good start. It is a very emotional thought of losing a friend and you have portrayed that perfectly.
I don't think we can build a strong relationship with the deceased therefore tugging no emotion. However, it was a good idea developed and your writing power is good enough for the near future... Personally, I don't think none of us will make millions!
I can't find anything negative to say about this short and yet effective piece of writing. You describe it so well that Imagery flows through the reader like water flows in a stream. (Okay, now I am showing off :P)
You describe it so well that it is as if you have experienced it first hand! Well done for an amazing impact. :)
Well done! I guessed it was like a germ but this story goes well beyond it. The funny thing is I could imagine it all so clearly! You gripped the reader's attention and you toyed with them in your own little world and they were hooked.
The fact that this is my name probably attracted me to this piece of writing in the first place. I can't help it being such a great name!
You portray the character as a normal boy doing what they do: building. This was good. You manage to gain the reader's attention by describing the child in great and spooky detail.
I think this deserves a 5 as it kept me hooked all the way to the end. Thank you for a fantastic read
This is what I would say interesting. It's a good idea and I am happy to have read good stories today! This one is the best I have read so far, though.
Well done :)
I am glad you took your idea further...
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