"For the rest of X‘s dreams were marked with blurry images and cold, calm and calculated voice repeating over in his head “kill him”. " - AMAZING way to end this. Makes you want to read more! But still- you do have some grammar errors. I recommend going through your stories with a fine comb and finding the errors.
Critique- You have some basic grammar errors with quotations (ie. “I’m surprised Tarleton’s fat arse didn’t cause the stage to collapse” (btw, nice line), there should be some form of punctuation at the end of it, usually a comma), but other then that, nice writing!
I don't think I'm the first or last to say this is a VERY- unique idea. I notice you have a large reward for reviewing, so if you have this money, I suggest you advertise and sponsor this item. While the idea of men changing into women is not something new; the way you did it in this interactive story is the first I've ever seen something like this.
That was a frightening story- multiple personality is VERY scary. Makes you think. But I loved how Greg cared enough to stick with Polly through the end.
That was the only way to end this. But all in all- excellent story; great writing, plot, and ending.
Write on!
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