Cool! 2nd para: 'I'm not going nowhere" makes less sense when your next sentence is, " I had 364 horses. . ." a statement that should go last. sentence structure?: Use one word description for impact; instead of' my final consequence' try fate. Using comma's are necessary and tricky with shorties, but sentence structure helps move the story as well. Doing 45 in a 70 and getting killed begs the question how fast where you going when you throttled the gas? the beauty of writing shorties is, each short sentence has to have impact and periods provide impact: I stayed inside. colorful phrases also help visualize the story 'Squeezed the trigger' instead of trigger depressed. the last scene with the man behind the shield should be restructured for clarity. Happy writing!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/write2thepoint
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 10:43pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
