\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/write2b
Review Requests: ON
742 Public Reviews Given
782 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is another awesome limerick! I especially loved the third and fourth line. When I was a young child and first learning to play chess, my older sister called the bishop "Grover," and now I can't unsee it. But honestly, this was a great little limerick. As I said before, I have not talent for works like this, but you obviously do! Thanks for this fun piece.
Write on!
Beck
2
2
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is really cool! I am not a poet or a limerick writer or anything of that sort. I am always excited to read a piece from someone who does it well! I am also not the best chess player, but I do dabble here and there, so your reference to the Rook is well understood. I actually did not know there was a move called castling! So not only was I entertained, but I learned something. Thank you so much for sharing this cool little piece.
Write on!
Beck
3
3
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a great story! I applaud Ryna for just taking life by the reins. She knew what she needed to do, and she did it. It is a great story and fully told within the confines of a word limit. I hope Roy and his floozy are stuck in the air port for a very long time. I wonder what he will think when he realizes Ryna is gone. He will care, of course, because he needed her as someone to use. Too bad, Roy! *Smile*
Thanks for a great read!
Write on!
Beck
4
4
Review of Inner Demons  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a great poem of internal struggles and demons who tell us both lies and truths from within. I am not a poet by any stretch, and those who do it well always amaze and inspire me! I love both the beginning and the end of the poem with the lines "a facade erected, to fend of foes." This poem speaks to me and I have felt the very same at different points of my life.
It was an easy read with good pacing. There were very few lines where the rhymes were something expected. Very well done.
Write on!
Beck
5
5
Review of SMOKEY'S LESSON  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an awesome story with the funniest ending!!! I laughed out loud. This was a great story - I thank you for sharing it. It reminded me of a time I went trudging in to a remote-ish river my Dad said I "had to see." The river was known as a good trout sot, so I went in to check it out. Not thinking about where I was, I cam across two cubs playing. When I heard the "HuFF!" from behind me, I knew I was about to be in trouble! I backed out as slowly as my shaking legs would allow. Hahaha. Being in the woods and wilderness brings some great stories, doesn't it? This was definitely a great one!
Write on!
Beck
6
6
Review of Outcast  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a great story from the point of view of a baby Sasquatch! I believe the round hoofed moose was human? I always love stories that look at things from the POV of a different animal/being/race. It's too fun. Thanks for the great story - although I do feel a little bad for this poor little Sasquatch!
Write on!
Beck
7
7
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a great twist at the end!! It was easy to feel your main character's annoyance with Dr. Windsor Pierce. I do wonder where he wound up (which is fun to think about!). This was a fun story and I am fascinated by the scene that unfolded when your main character finally made entrance into the inventor's workshop. I felt like there were a couple shifts in tense, but overall, a great read! Thank you for sharing!
Write on!
Beck
8
8
Review of Safety Concerns  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great story! I felt the shock Julian and Melody did when they realized who was attempting to sabotage their invention! My only negative would be to not have Melody reveal the "why" of their father's distain for their work. Let the father tell them that near the end when they confront him. It seems forced and contrived for her to say that to her brother - when the father reveals it, even if neither of them knew of the accident before that, I think it is still a great family story in a steampunk setting. Overall - great characters and awesome story! Thanks for sharing it!
Write on!
Beck
9
9
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
First, I have to say, I love alliteration in a title, especially for a steampunk story. As for the ending... tell me more! *BigSmile*
I was intrigued, right along with Thadeus, has he approached this shop. I could feel the closed atmosphere of the shop. You did an excellent job letting the reader explore the shop with your main character. The proprietor, even in the end, remains somewhat of a mystery, which I liked ( even though I still want to know more!). I am curious as to what Thadeus was making and what the other inventor's previous invention was or how/why it failed to work properly. This was a great steampunk story. Thanks for sharing it!
Write on!
Beck
10
10
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What a great story! It is difficult to do in so few words, but you did it perfectly with this story about Matt and his... intruder (I don't want to include a spoiler). The last line actually made me laugh out loud! Thanks for sharing this great read - and making me think about those characters!
Write on!
Beck
11
11
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is an interesting story of a girl who start out by having nightmares about spiders. The spiders are never truly explained, but at the end the reader gets the idea that she will not have nightmares about them anymore. I will not give away the ending, but suffice it to say the nightmares will be gone and her life will be happy again.

Here are a few of my thoughts on particular parts of the story.

"Just then, she turned over so she was staring into the corner." Just then doesn't seem to fit in this sentence. It is nothing that happens urgently.


"Then he spoke about a quandary and had a good demur". This sentence does not seem to make sense. I understand it used two of the required words, but it does not add to the story and seems out of place when the quandary is not expounded upon.


"He was her boyfriend for a year now and his name was Joaquin. She had trouble remembering his name even now, especially since it sounded so feminine." But she obviously knows his name, because it was just said here - kind of confusing.

"And then pain started wearing through her legs" perhaps there is a better word than wearing?

She took the time to drink two cups of coffee, yet Joquin said it was urgent. If it was ice coffee, which could be drank quickly, that might be good to add. Otherwise, it would take a good deal of time to drink two hot cups of coffee, so that didn't really ring true.

Thank you for sharing this story!
Write on!
Beck
12
12
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a pretty cool poem. I've never thought about if a parody performer is truly a musician or if they are truly making music. Great piece centered around that. The best part about this poem is it leaves the answer to the reader.
Write on!
Beck
13
13
Review of A Wish Come True  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oohhhh, a mystical, magical shoppe! Thomas was being bullied and wanted a new life - I can totally relate, as I was pretty small as a kid, too, and got picked on as an easy target. A mirror to a parallel universe? Great idea! I found myself hoping the best for Thomas in his new, parallel, life. Thanks for sharing this story!
Write on!
Beck
14
14
Review of Feminine Wiles  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a great story. Maggie and, in the end, Kayla, certainly are master manipulators. It was fun how you took these kids and slid them neatly into an adult world - with a side of mobster. I am secretly hoping it all works out in the girls' favor! Thanks for another great read.
Write on!
Beck
15
15
Review of Illegal Alien  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
"If you'd taken the time to study our laws, bylaws, and buhbye laws before blasting off all willy-nilly into space, you wouldn't be in this mess."
What a hoot! Buhbye laws cracked me up! I instantly loved this witty law enforcement officer from another planet... well, I guess technically it was the human that was from another planet - and definitely not knowing the rules. There were chuckled peppered throughout the piece, but the human is in obvious danger at the end. A fun read, but also a great reminder that we are not all the same, but each set of rules and beliefs bears as much credence as the other. Thanks for sharing this fun, but meaningful, story!
Write on!
Beck
16
16
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love little Detective Casey! This is a great story of a boy detective who is outs his perp in the end. The language throughout was spot in. I stopped when I saw Lil' Stinky introduced in an attempt to figure out who, or what, Lil' Stink was. Then laughed when she hitched up her saggy diaper. Great imagery. Thanks for another great read!
Write on!
Beck
17
17
In affiliation with The Steampunk Authors' Gui...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! Such a short piece, but it conveys so much emotion! Very well written. Not a poet myself, I always marvel at those who are. The heart is a very interesting construct we humans have created for ourselves, isn't it?
Excellent work!
Write on!
Beck
18
18
Review of Immortal  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great look into the mind of this main character! Their internal dialogue is something I can see coming out of my mouth. Dang Jerry! HA! But I also love the nefarious undertone of this piece. It leaves one to wonder how the main character found themselves the victim of some loophole that landed them in this winter wonderland of sorts. Thanks for the great read!
Write on!
Beck
19
19
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an awesome contest entry! I would love to know more about Christmas Valley and Holly Frost! This story makes me want to know what nefarious tactics are underlying the town, too.
You have characters that already seem very well-rounded, which can be difficult with flash fiction. Good luck in the contest!
Write on!
Beck
20
20
Review of Visitor  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an ominous and very cool poem! It is exciting to read and I found myself running through it quickly, thinking the worst. But then, in the end... I love the way you went from something that sounded so ominous in the beginning to something kids everywhere look forward to! Thank you for sharing this great read that conveys so much in so few words!
Write on!
Beck
21
21
Review of You See Me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this story! I do believe the protagonist and I can definitely buy into the place. This seems like a very interesting story. I would love to know more about all of the characters involved. While it did seem a bit confusing, I am sure it can all be shown in a longer version that allows the reader to really get to know the characters.
Write on!
Beck
22
22
Rated: E | (5.0)
I would love to hear these lyrics set to music! The meaning behind the song is super clear and points to many of the divisive issues in the world today. Perhaps moving back to the barter system might make for a more even playing ground, per se, but of course the world is too complex for that now. The main idea of stopping hatred is one that should ring true throughout the year, but especially during the holiday season. Thank you for sharing these lyrics with us all!
Write on!
Beck
23
23
Review of Hubris  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What an excellent read! I am a lover of all things steampunk and this story did not disappoint. The characters were great and, I have to say, I was mistaken about the blow that rendered poor Edward unconscious. And the story left me wondering if there may be a "part II." Great read and thanks for sharing!
Write on!
Beck
24
24
Review of Birthday Candles  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a great story! Although only 387 words, it conveys an entire story perfectly as well as the change in the main character. I loved the ending!
Thanks for sharing and Write On!
Beck
25
25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Great twist at the end! I had no idea where the story was going until you revealed the end. But it was interesting enough to keep me reading, for sure!

Just a few points: you change tense throughout the story, which is a bit distracting. Also, you need to start a new paragraph each time a person speaks. There are also a few other grammatical issues, but I'm sure you'll catch those with a quick read through.

Overall, this was a great story with a great twist at the end, and a good lesson learned as well.
Write on!
Beck
268 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 11 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/write2b