This was a nice story. I like the idea, and you develop it well, but you make it seem more complicated than it is. I think that if you go through and try to make it shorter, you'll end up with a more powerful story. For example, you don't need to say 'he said,' 'I said,' etc. every time, and you could even stand not to describe things quite as much. You can trust your reader to add some of that. Also, watch contradicting yourself. You say that the knock on the door is 'cold and hollow,' but he greets you 'warmly,' also, you 'marvel at his words,' but they also 'seem superficial.' I'm being picky; this was a very good essay, and you may not even want to change it. Good job, and keep writing.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whereismybook
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:43pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
