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Review of Lady of the Lake  Open in new Window.
Review by Saffron Witt Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Overall, both the structure and internal composure strengthened the premise rather well. The enticing, eccentric descriptions of both the surroundings and mental turmoil only contributed to the ominous tone! Not only did you exceed my expectations for a short story, but you also did it in the second person! Keep up the good work, aspiring author! Now for the more critical analysis. ( Bear with me; I still love you )

From a reader's standpoint, the character's thoughts are coherent. And a bit too much to the point where it was holding the reader's hand to point out the plot twist. By adding the internal thoughts along with the current actions, the conclusion was an obvious one. Perhaps it's not the words themselves, but the fact that there are so many of them! Don't get me wrong. I love any fat novel as much as you do, but some words were clearly unneeded. For instance, in the ending paragraphs, the appearance of "It wasn't my fault" or "What I did was dark" is apparent. I assume you meant to emphasize it, but sometimes simplicity is the best option. The readers get drawn in by not knowing!

In the end, the writing is expertly done which I haven't seen that much on Writing.com ( or maybe I'm blind idk ) In my final words, I leave you with three words to focus all future writings on:
Brevity, simplicity, and creativity
Just in case you didn't hear me, YOUR WRITING ROCKED! Thanks for sharing and I hope to read more works from you!
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