This is a good poem. I liked that you tried to put some rhyme in this poem. I think that this poem could use some more of it though. Not every line has at least one other line that it rhymes with. I also like that you repeated the same thing a few times. It's really neat that you are triing to make a point in this poem. This poem is also very detailed which I like a lot. Other than what I said about the rhyming, this poem is really good.
Warriorgirl
There are a lot of mistakes that I noticed in this story.
1. The 'him' in the second paragraph should be a he.
2. There should be no question mark in the third paragraph after 'There is a reason Sally is with me.'
3. The words right after the quotations should be lowercase.
4. There should be commas after 'Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.'
5. There should be a question mark after 'What should we do?' in the last paragraph.
6. The second word in the first paragraph should probably be was not is so it makes better sense to the reader.
7. A little more detail wouldn't hurt either.
Warriorgirl
This is good but it could use some more rhyme and some more detail. Right now I feel like this poem doesn't have enough rhyme in it. Some of it has rhyme but not all of it. I think it could really use more of it. Otherwise I like the topic you chose and it lookes good.
Warriorgirl
This is really good but it could use some more detail. For example, you could say the names of your grandmother and her friend. You could also say more about how much your grandmothers friend enjoyed her lunch and that she was delighted to have it. Other than that, the story was good.
Warriorgirl
There are a few grammer and some other problems that I noticed while reading this poem:
1. There should be a period at the end of the last line. It seems to me like you might have more to put on this poem if you don't have a period there.
2. the last word should be "sang" not "sung." It doesn't sound right if it's spelled that way in this paritcular poem.
3. There should probablu be some commas in some of the lines at the end. I only saw one that wasn't in the right spot in the fourth line of the poem. It sounds and looks a little weird to me.
4. A little more detail would be nice in this poem. :)
Other than that, this poem is good and I liked it.
Warriorgirl
I really like how you put some kind of rhyme in every line of this poem. One small problem that I noticed is that there should probably be a comma after Macon in the first line. I think that it would make better sence if there is a comma there so it doesn't seem like a run-on sentence. It's really good.
Warriorgirl
This is good, but I noticed some puntuation problems while I was reading this.
1. There should be a comma in between 'My lead, I lost'
2. There should be a comma in between 'Cold, thin fingers'
3. In the sixth line, Or should prbably be in the next line so it makes better sense.
4. There should not be a comma after 'lead' in the first line. It doesn't make much sense to me.
Warriorgirl
This is a really good poem. I really enjoyed it a lot. I liked how you set this poem up the way you did. The detailing s really good and the other reader's will like this poem a lot. Keep up the good work, your writing is very good. Happy writing!
Warriorgirl
This poem puts a clear picture in my mind of what is happening. The details are awsome and really good. I like how the first line of the first stanza is written and it made me want to read on and finish reading this poem. I really likes this poem a lot. I also liked how you said that the demon has the wildest of eyes when the main character saw the creature for the first time. Again, this is really good. I liked it.
Warriorgirl
This is a really good article. I could tell that you are an Appalachian State fan. The detail is really good and I like that you decribed the Moutianeers football history the way you did in this story. Keep up the good work. Happy Writing!!!!
Warriorgirl
This is a really good poem. I like how in the last line of the first stanza says "(unexpectedly) expected). It's really neat and I think that other reader's will really like this poem. The detail is great too. I really like the first ine in the second stanza a lot. Keep up the good work.
Warriorgirl
You are right about the true love before we die part. Mistakes:
-"This is life. This is Love" love should have a lowercase 'l' and there should probably be a comma in between life and the second this.
-There should probably be no / after won't and you should put a apostraphy after the 'n'.
Other than that good work.
Warriorgirl
This is a really good short story. I like how you discribed the scene and it put it picture in my mind reight away after I read the first sentence. I also like how you ended the story in the way you did and it's really neat. This is a really good story. I like it.
Warriorgirl
I really like this poem but I see one small mistake. You should try to put commas to were they fit in the poem. To me, the stanzas looke like run-on sentences. I really like this poem and everything else looks really good. Other than that, I don't have much more to say.
Warriorgirl
This is another good poem but, in some places, there could be a comma placed.
For intense:
-after 'hope needs a spark'
-after 'peace needs people'
-and after 'faith needs a person'
These are all suggestions so you don't have to do them. Otherwise, good poem.
Warriorgirl
I really liked this prolouge.
Things I liked within this story:
-The detail
-The descriptions
-The way the beginning is set up
-The name "The City of Towers"
There are others but I can't hink of them at the moment. This is really good and I like it a lot. You should continue on with this.
Warriorgirl
I like this poem but it could us a little more detail. It's good but still, it vould us commas at the end of the first three lines so it looks like you are listing several things in one sentence. Otherwise this poem is good and I really like it. Happy writing!
Warriorgirl
I like the detail this poem has in every line of it. I like that you put a lot of detail to make a picture in my mind of the scene you are describing. It's really cool and I really like this poem. Keep up the good work and happy writing. Your poetry is good.
Warriorgirl
I like how this poem starts out really strong and ends in a really good way. I have to admit it's a little weird but I think the readers will like it. There are no mistakes and overall this poem is really good. I like it.
Happy Writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Warriorgirl
This poem is really good. I really like it. It has a lot of detail and it's really good. Overall it's really good and I didn't see any mistakes while I read it. All of your poems are good and this is one of the better ones that I've read yet. Keep up the good work.
Warriorgirl
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/warriorgirl
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 2:06am on Nov 15, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
