Certainly one of the best madlibs I've ever done. We did this as a family and we all laughed out loud. I want you to see what we came up with so here it is:
'Twas the night before International Talk Like a Pirate Day and all through the beret not a/an giraffe was stirring, not even a/an pigmy hippo.
The children were slicked all snug in their automan while visions of tangelos bled in their toes.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my sink to see what was the matter.
I knew in a/an swiss army knife it must be Saint Morrie,with his miniature gremlin and 4400 tiny guiney pigs named Dasher and Dancer and Devan and Jonell.
He filled all our rubber bands, then laying his appendix aside of his ear lobe, up the chimney he collapsed.
But I heard him exclaim, as he rattled out of sight, "silly Christmas to all and to all a/an groggy night!"
I like this story a great deal. It's sexy, well written and I love the casual style of the writing. The characters are realistic and the mythology is fully developed. It's a strange but interesting concept a vampire woman married to a human man. I like how you developed the concept of her keeping him alive and the sexual nature of their relationship, with her being a vampire and all. I would suggest reformatting the text so it is neaater and easier to read. I know how difficult formatting can be on here, at least for me. It's fun and interesting. Can't wait to read more!
A very good read. I loved how discriptive you were and how you used of each anecdote to paint a picture of who Grandma 'Spy In The Sky' was and what she meant
in everyones lives. It touched me and made me think of my relationship with my grandmother before she died. I loved the way you were able to tell this story, which
was simply about peoples lives and relationships, and present it in a way that is interesting and relevant to the reader. The imagery and descriptions were so
powerful that it wasn't just a story but a personal experience for the reader. One suggestion I would make would be in, I believe, the 14th paragraph where you
wrote "..and the neighborhood, in her eyes, that needed constant surveillance". Maybe try writing it "and the neighborhood that, in her eyes, needed constant
surveillannce". This was a near flawless piece of work: complete, personal, interesting and provocative. Thank you so much for this possitive reading experience.
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