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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/unicorntilly
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3 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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1
Review of Your Tribute  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Now do a river who wants to be one
2
2
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Editing and grammar,

Paragraph 1

Initial:

"ALIEN OCCUPATION!" screamed one tabloid's headline. "HORROR IN HALIFAX!" blared another. Renee Reynolds rolled her eyes as she scanned the various scandal sheets while waiting her turn at the supermarket's check-out counter. How could anyone take such drivel seriously? she wondered. Sure, there had been a few unexplained and particularly gruesome deaths these past few weeks, but...aliens? Too much. She plucked one from the rack and began to read an interview taken of an alleged eyewitness.

Edited (Focus on standard English class writing standards and grammar. Five space-bar indentation at the beginning of each paragraph, capitalization, commas, paraphrases, etc:

"ALIEN OCCUPATION!!!", one tabloid screamed through it's headline.

"HORROR IN HALIFAX!!!", blared another.

Renee Reynolds rolled (disapprovingly) rolled her eyes. (Consider inputting a color.) She scanned the various scandal sheets(,) while waiting (impatiently) at the supermarket's check-out counter (for her turn)(near her modest apartment)(office).

She yelled out loud before she could catch herself, "How could anyone take such drivel seriously"!?

"Sure, there had been a few unexplained and particularly gruesome deaths these past few weeks, but... aliens?", she thought to herself.

Too much. She plucked one (Be more descriptive.) [She plucked one of the freshly printed, crisply packaged newspapers] from the rack and began to read. (Scanning the pages her eyes suddenly honed in on) an interview taken (consider a inputting a specific date) (yesterday) of an alleged eyewitness.

Also working on separating thought and speech with italic font. Remember all thought and speech is done in quotation.

I believe html codes work here. For italic font use:

<html>
<body>
<p><i>This text is italic</i></p>
</body>
</html>

Make sure intended italic text is inside the code.

Give yourself more time to elaborate on the details of the characters and the story. Don't rush.

You definitely have some serious potential here.

****REMEMBER****

A written story is not to write. It is to paint a picture with words.

Imagine describing a sunset to a blind person.

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