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Review of A Secret  Open in new Window.
Review by Tzicie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Great sentiment reflecting how cruel and judgemental society can be. There's a few minor mispellings : Iive needs to be I've, and Iill needs to me I'll, and a few places that don't quite flow.

"It is with brave futility
I'll tell my secret desire
For I know the effects of such disclosure
reduces me to mire."

Try
"It is with brave futility
I'll make known my desire (or) I'll tell of my desire
The effects of my honesty
reducing me to mire."

"I say with boldest certainty
of my doomed fate,
and in full possession of
faculties,
I acknowledge ones right to hate."

Try

"I say with boldest certainty
of this, my doomed fate.
In a land of the free
One has the right to hate."
(or)
I know all of humanity
has the right to hate."

"Thinking of all the condemnations"
omit "all"

"I know such a crime is quite repulsive"
omit "quite"

"compared to the common mans way."
omit "mans"


Keep up the good work!
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