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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/twentythreemc
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3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Jake Kilbride Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, thank you for writing such a moving piece. I felt that I was right there with you in the soup kitchen. Your description of the men and women at the shelter made me feel glad of my home comforts.

I've assumed that the story is drawn from actual experience and I've had to marvel at your ability to recall such detail of the night. To put your feelings out there for people to see is very brave.

The description of the couple perhaps only recently homeless was really disconcerting, I think it brings home to us how one wrong move or a run of bad luck could put us in that position.

I love this kind of story, and the fact that you had the same name as the homeless man Charles was used to great effect to juxtapose your life and his.

Keep up the good work

Regards Jake
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Review of Flames  Open in new Window.
Review by Jake Kilbride Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Some observations of lines in the poem that might need looking at. In the line about the Inn sign falling dully to the road, perhaps it would have helped the reader to describe perhaps what was on the sign maybe the "Phoenix Inn in the flames" if you wanted to be clever. In the line about the shops in the morning light, would you actually be able to see their burning lights in the morning? In the line about the church, might it not have been better to use 'calling the pious and impious together at one alter. I like the concept of the destruction of the past and the use of the burning match imagery, but I would have liked some context as to why you were burning your past. What exactly brought you to this point.
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