I love this story. It is really cute. It is really miss leading in the beginning. I thought the concept was really sweet. The excitment in the little girl made the whole story worth while. In the beginning I was skeptical about it. I almost clicked off because of the content seeming very gloomy, but in the end I was glad I stay in to see the little girls responce to the wonderful present.
This was so sad. The heartbreak she felt was transferred to me. I felt her pain. In this story the emotion was amazing but there were a few sentences that I didn't like as much as the others. The first sentence wasn't as well written as the rest. I felt it was a little cliche. Some of the describtions were a bit cliche as well. With a few very minor tweaks it would be great but it is very good already.
I like the attempt of the "i" in every line but it felt Choppy. It was hard to understand because of the conflict coming so quickly and ending suddenly. It was very well written at the beginning and you understand everything but when it started into the climax it got really hard to understand. It didn't make sence to me. I love the idea to use only words with "i" in them. Good Job and Thank You.
Woah, This is crazy. I liked that the whole story was you talking. It was really suprising to read a story about the story your reading. It was well thought out and a bit creepy. I really enjoyed being incorporated into the story instead of just viewing it. This sentence was hard to read but I still understood what it meant. It just didn't flow right for me. " I'm surprised it's still in as good shape as it is after all these years." Overall the story was really funny and well done. Good Job and Thank You.
I am assuming this is a true story. I think that the story was your way of expressing the emotion you have towards such an eerie topic. The story was a bit was a bit spontaneous. It didn’t flow well with me because it talked about Trudy for a moment, then to the uncle, then back to an unnamed character. The last line for instance has the word she, but I am not able to tell who she is. I am confused about the three-week period you mention in the last sentence as well. In all, the concept was good. It’s really relatable. I felt a certain emotion towards it because of a family member of mine having cancer as well. It brings in an audience that will feel more emotion than some others. I think the story would be improved if you have tags or something to represent who you are talking about. Thank you.
I love the emotion put into your poem. It was sad and I felt the pain you were having for your lost friend. I thought the two people were teenagers at the beginning but I understood after the line "Don't worry about the kids". I also thought the rhyme was a little weak in a few places but the poem in all was great. I loved the emotion.
This is a bit emotional. I thought this is a little creeperish but it was good. I thought it was funny and a bit scary at all the same time. It could be improved but good aswell.
This is extremly intense. It took me a while to take in what I was reading. It was amazingly emotional. I felt the fear and I was gled to the story however, I thought the beginning was a lot better than the conclusion. I was a bit confussed on the second voice, was it his brain talking to his body? Gosh, I love this story. It is amazingly AWESOME!
This is incredible intense. To my understanding the father was doing drugs and hitting the mom, but why? I wish you had explained why the dad was like this. In my perspective, I thought the dad was not always like this. It seemed, as it was a developed and growing problem.
The details are a bit confussing. I can see a small boy pretending it was going to be a trip around the world but the death hill part took things off track. I think you should have said that the patches of grass was a massive sink hole in the middle of the snow or something just to exaggerate a bit more but that was a great story idea. Good job.
I absoulely love this. My father works for the railroad and I have heard many stories like this. I love the imagry you put into the story. I thought it was great how he knew not to put his hands to his ears. I liked the imagery of him laying down. I could see him shaking as he was forced to the tracks for some unknown reason and the train going over him. I could see the underneath of the train and him being terrified. I loved it. Good Job.
Rarely I unable to comment on things but this poem stumped me. I love the questions you included and the last line of each stanza being a question not using what if but this poem is hard to critique. I am not sure why but I just find it kind of fascinating. I think this poem makes you think more than others. I am preoccupied thinking about what I would do in these situations, to notice word choice or grammar. In all, I liked it because of the lull it gave me. Good Job.
This was a really cute story. I loved that you made it more of the dogs point of view and that he only heard selective words. It if really cute because of the dogs misinterpretation. Thank you for making the words the dog did understand. I probably wouldn't have caught them without it. In all a really great story.
This poem is cute. I thought that the use of rhyme was a little weak in some places. The first in last stanza was a good use of rhyme. I liked how they corresponded. The word choice in staza 6 was very good. It gave a feeling of what she is like to you. The only line I didn't quite get was "I just feel I need to touch". Overall I liked the poem and that you focused on one feature you like the best.
I liked the concept. I enjoyed the adoptive parents not being a traditional family. To me an eight year old is a bit more mature than this. He says mommies like a younger child would say and climbing into the mothers lap was a bit of a younger childs characteristic. This is my opinion and of course I completly understand if you don't agree. I thought the concept was great. The idea of an adopted child being curious is very realistic. I did not like the space however. I thought they were a little confussing. The star astrics were a little helping but I feel that you could have expressed the time duration a bit more detailed or in an alternate way.
I love the stanza that began with, "You're frightening, my dear." It gave many perspectives of this angel.
I also loved the way it ended. I love the feeling of terror you had through the entire poem but you ended with you being terrified. It seemed to be any one and everyone till the last line.
I loved how the title sounds like a love story but in real it was not an angel. I believe that angels do not judge but just observe. Judgement to me is usually a bad thing.
I loved the poems content and concept.
The last sentence in the first stanza was my favorite part of the entire poem. It gave power and put a image in my head. It was just eerie.
In all I thought it was very good.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/torhi23
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:44pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
