Absolutely terrifying, in a really good way! The opening lines had me immediately hooked.
Spelling/grammar/sentence structure & flow:
Looks good!
Suggestions/comments:
The last line seems like there’s room for more description of this character’s actions, which would be necessary to a lengthier piece about him. What kind of maniacal thoughts, actions, and expressions does he make? How does he show that inflicting pain brings him pleasure?
I’m also terribly curious about how a 9-year-old managers to inflict that kind of pain on a poor chihuahua, not emotionally because he is obviously a very deranged character, but physically…what does he use to flay the flesh? Where did the toothpicks come from? Jaw muscles are very strong, so how did he manage to rip that off and how did he prevent the dog from bleeding to death? (In a small dog, I imagine the jaw would be very close to some major arteries in the neck.) These are some things to consider and details I’d love to see in a longer scene about this character.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/theraven89
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 9:16am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Overall impression: 
Spelling/grammar/sentence structure & flow:
Suggestions/comments: