Sick.... disgusting.... sad.... emotional....... YOU ARE AWESOME!
Finally! Some talent! Finally some real grit! Realism! Great writing, great emotion (well not great, certainly not for the girl, but great execution of individual writing style), great ending! Again, it was sad and how beaten up the girl was getting was brutal, but I liked it. I might be a sick-o, but not as much as you!
Haha, joking with you.
Okay, excitement fading.
This was great to read, but I'm afraid there are flaws I couldn't help looking over.
There were some grammar and spelling mistakes, but I'm not a nitpicker. I mean, seriously, anyone could go over their own writing and pick out the spelling mistakes. It doesn't take a whole nother person.
The way these sentences were placed bothered me a little. There were some points were the words could've been different, should've been different. There were words that seemed very out of place, or very strange, such as in, "With suspense that would make the sane go crazy she watched the last group member with anticipation." Suspense is rarely used to describe how a character is feeling. It's a word people use to describe the tone and they rarely use the word, instead preferring to build up the tone with their own words instead. "With tension" would've been better. And something about they way you said, "the sane go crazy," also bothered me. Maybe something like, "with tension tightening in her shoulders, she waited, her teeth gritted, the anxiety and fear weighing heavily on her mind until she could almost hear the snap of her mind as the last member of the group approached her." I don't know. That's just how I would do it. That's just me.
Awwwwww. This is very sweet. Short, touching, straight to the point. I love how you didn't beat around the bush and give useless words and sentences that all would've meant the same thing. Love cannot be explained. Not in the written word and most definitely not the spoken. I actually do love this. And I don't love anything. I have a heart like ice. This is simply put, with words that have a real impact.
You seem to get that writing well isn't just by length and convoluted semantics. Excellent.
This story is very good. The four points is for strong flow throughout, good idea, executed very well and strong emotion. The missing point is because of the slight spelling errors and slight awkwardness in a few paragraphs. In the very few paragraphs that were awkward, there was still enough emotion and meaning that it made up for it immediately.
Really great story. I had no enthusiasm going in, but as I read it, it caught me and dragged me in.
Alright. The execution was great. No obvious, glaring spelling or grammar mistakes. But I did have a problem with this story.
First off, the font. It's big and blue and bright. It's hard for me to read, personally, but what bothered me was how childish it appeared. The font was too big and when writing a story that's going to be written in this kind of format (in the center), most readers would expect a short sentenced, almost poetic story. So the font bothered me because it definitely shouldn't have been written like that. The writing in itself was also childish. This was written so simplistically and that definitely stood out. So this wasn't a wreck or complete crud. It's not the worst story I've ever read. But the execution is kind of... off. There are some words that shouldn't have been there or words that should've been there. There were some awkward phrases and awkward sentences.
But that's just execution. Honestly, I don't care as much for execution as concept. This concept is overused. This has no dash of originality or spin. There's not much emotional turmoil or edge to it. This is all written sloppily and with bad transitional flow. Some extra details or extra sentences would help draw it together. If you added some extra sentences or details with some emotional appeal to a few of your paragraphs, you would improve this story a lot.
If the concept is bad, then the execution could make up for it.
If the execution is bad, but not intolerably bad, then the concept could make up for it.
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