I don't like structured poetry. Poetry should be whatever you want, there should be no boundaries. This piece is why. If you squint, the the lines that jut out to the right looks like shards from a broken mirror. Awesome piece and I found myself reading it multiple times today.
Great little story, it was really fun! The only suggestion I would make is watch comma usage, and the last sentence just has a typo.
I loved the almost lyrical way you wrote this...it could be a kick-butt poem. I looooved the dialogue! Absolutely had me laughing. Especially that 'are you calling me fat' bit.
Great job!
I thank you so much for writing this. My dog, Sadie, is a bird dog and we used to take her out to hunt. She is 14 now and won't be hunting ever again, but she still gets excited when the geese fly over the house. This was definitely hard to read because I know what's coming. But, it also gave me hope. Give Chaser a scratch behind the ears for me. Thank you for writing this moving, beautiful piece.
Wow, I've never stopped to admire the gracefulness of the praying-mantis. They are saintly and divine, always bent down as if in prayer. This was a brilliant haiku, just what I was looking for! Gorgeous description of a bug that I've never given a thought to before.
Seeing as I live in Pennsylvania and see roadkill almost everyday, this haiku really caught my attention...man and his machines against nature. Funny how I was oblivious to that. The next time I see a squashed skunk on the edge of the highway I won't just see it as a frail animal, but a result of man's technology.
Lightening sort of reminds me of our life here on earth: gone in an instant, or so it seems. This made me contemplate humanity's mortality.
There is a lightning storm going on right now so it's ironic that I read this little haiku gem today. Well, here's hoping the power stays on!
I just love this haiku, painting truly is therapeutic and a way to express yourself and reveal your emotions. I'm currently taking an art class now, and I know the emotions I put into my paintings. So, kudos to you for writing this haiku and making me contemplate about the underlying power in painting.
I got quite a good chuckle out of this haiku! I never really thought about sanitizer as a murder but it's true. Very witty observation, maybe sanitizer will be the next murder suspect on Law and Order? thanks for giving me fuel for thought. One thing is for sure, I will never look the same way at it.
I can relate to this, seeing as both my parents are avid hunters and I couldn't stand to kill bambi's family! The are magnificent creatures with kind, innocent eyes. I cant stand the fake glass ones that are mounted on my parent's fireplace. Well, now I'm just ranting but this piece really got me thinking, so kudos to you.
You summed it up perfectly! I actually prefer a rainy day to a sunny one. Rain can make me brood or make me content. Anyways, rain is a familiar friend. I love the fact that with only a few words, you can think about so much. Great reflection. Now I want it to rain...
Gorgeous imagery! I wish I could dance in the ocean's current. Fear does keep us from reaching the stars, and you do a great job of potraying Raeyna overcoming her fear. That last paragraph, especially the last sentence, was brilliant. Bravo to you for writing this gem.
Such a beautiful (hmm, I dont know if that's the word for it) and moving piece. This proves that you don't need to write a long-winded story to tug at the heartstrings! In 362 words you did what no other story on here has done yet: made me laugh and then cry. So bravo!
This was almost hard for me to finish reading, this story touched me in a personal way. Not many grammatical errors, but I would suggest watching your comma use. In the sentence:
"The accident which left her in pieces, came completely out of the blue." That comma isn't needed.
You really felt the anguish and regret of her father. I would just like to know how Kate's mother reacts.
Your portfolio was like a mecca for me! I am fascinated by Egyptian mythology, and it was a delight reading this piece. I've always wondered how they ended up together too! Just a really fabulous piece!
To be honest, it is difficult to hold my attention while reading a "longer" poem. But this poem definitely held my attention and I found myself reading it many times. I really loved the universality of the first stanza:
Rising amidst misty dreams of sleep,
The coming dawn a whisper on the wind.
Remembering a promise left to keep,
A promise never to rescind.
To one who sits, and thinks, and waits,
I must arise, not hesitate.
All in all, great poem! Now I have an urge to talk to my dad.
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