Hey Bob, that was a top read. I finished the one about the bones before. I will check out if you wrote a third one about Sahul getting payback. How long were you in PNG for?
How long ago was this? I took atrip to Morotai in Indonesia and someone had found Japanese soldiers as well. We went o an embassy in Bali this February but we don't know if there have been any breakthroughs in getting them back to Japan. What happened to the soldiers and the sword you found? I wrote a story about it as well, haha.
So I am guessing you were a teacher and are from Canada? What do you do now?
Hey Minkymoo. I found this very easy to read. It is cute! Good advice to give to a fifteen year old. I liked the end as well. It's very cryptic. You make it sound like you will turn fifteen. How else can you meet them? Maybe talking into the past? Looking forward to reading your other work.
Hey chuckles the silly piggy. Nice rhyming. I find it realy hard to rhym. Why did the break up happen? What was he/she scared to try without you. It would be cool to know more about the relationship. Did this acctualy happen? I'm always interested to know the backround stories to poems.
Hey wiseowl, this is prety greusome for me. I don't realy enjoy the cutting yourself theme. I liked how she didn't go to heaven because she commited suicide.
I found that the ending didn't realy justify all the self mutilation. I would have liked the mother daughter relationship and what it is like to be a ghost developed.
This is very sad, is it real? It is sad how he thinks he hears his woman's voice but then it turns out to be the wind. Nice use of poetic devices.
I think aabb gives it a faster pace, better for action or happier poems. I would like to read this in abab because it would better suit the tone of the poem.
I like how their introduction was rape. This would have all sorts of complications for Majah if she was caught. She would probably be thrown out of the house. And I wonder if the soldier cared as his company moved on.
I think you use many descriptive sentences and redundant words. This makes it very difficult to read. "Pouring wet, the warm rain" You have already said it is heavy and rain cannot be dry is one example.
Introduce the complication straight away. It would be much more intresting if we already new she was having an affair with an invading soldier. The relationship with the father and her friends would already be full of conflicting emotions and you would have room to give the characters and relationships so much more colour.
Hey man. That was pretty rough not concluding it. That was a fairly long read and we don't even have know what that sound is? I know a joke that drags out like this and the idea is to suck the listener in and not have a punch line, so the joke is on them.
It was good to read. It was good reading about poor Fred, you feel sorry for him getting snapped and everything. You realy had me hanging out waiting for the end.
I guess I am just frustrated at the ending, I will definatley check out your other work.
a very harrowing story. I usually try to blast through reading as fast as possible but this piece made me stop and read. The characters are very real and the plight of the main character triggers confronting emotions.
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