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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tbakes94
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8 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Metamorphous  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
First off I would like to say that this poem is very nicely written. I enjoyed reading it significantly. Since I sometimes enjoy writing poems about the act of sex as well, it was pleasing to see someone other than me describing in detail the passionate act. The beauty of the piece impressed me significantly.

Second, there were a couple of lines in which the meter of the poem was thrown off. In most of the lines, there are 8 syllables per line. The problems come in the last line of the second stanza (which has 9 syllables) and the fifth line of the third stanza (which has 7 syllables). It is a good thing that you attempted to keep each line as close to 8 syllables as possible. Nevertheless, if you stick to the 8 syllable pattern for almost the entire piece, you should try to keep the meter consistent. With such oddly placed deviations, the flow gets thrown off significantly and greatly hampers the effect of the poem. Either make the meter 888888 or 888878 or 888889. I recommend not mixing them up.

Please know that I am not criticizing your work. I am merely offering a suggestion for improvement, which you have every right to disregard. I really enjoyed the work. Thank you for sharing.

If you were wondering which one of my poems deals with sex, it is called To Her: Plea For Love.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem is a very good poem. The sympathy towards the girl is touching, and makes the poem great, when complemented by the writing. This is a very good display of your poetic talent.

tbakes94
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