You have a few grammatical errors and some typos, but the flow and message of your story are very clear. I believe that true love and happiness are a lot closer than you think. Try to see the good in the world instead of all the bad. I know in these times it can be a hard thing to find, but it is there!
I hope to see more of your work!
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Very Inspirational! My children are a constant inspiration to me. I never considered myself a writer.I have written poetry and song lyrics for 30 years and still have trouble calling myself an author.
Your writing is very fluid and clear. Don't be afraid to share it. Outside of a few grammar erros, your piece is perfect.
I consistently have my two youngest at my elbows when I write. It tends to slow the process, but without them I probably wouldn't be doing it.
I would love to read more of your work!
Well done! Floyd
Incredible! I think that is the kind of love and dedication everyone is looking for.This story reminds me of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed on my grandfather was senile and rarely made sense when he spoke. When took him to the viewing, he grasped her hand and started crying and said, "I wont be taking my girl home tonite." I think these were the last coherent words he spoke; he passed on shortly after.
I like the way you only used neccessary words. Just enough to make the scene. I can find nothing to improve on.
Excellent Work!
God bless you for your efforts and kindness! Too many people choose to look the other way because it makes them uncomfortable. When something like this hits close to home, the efforts of a stranger has a different meaning. Too bad more people didn't care.
I truely am touched! I just recovered from the lyrics only to start sobbing again from reading this. Your words will be with me for a long time!
Excellent work!
Your magic did it's work! I have always considered myself a strong person, but I am on my knees. I have been trying to get myself under control enough to respond for over ten minutes. I am a forty year old father of seven kids. I am guilty of barking at innocence. I don't know how I would ever survive this situation. I am very deeply touched! Excellent work!
Incredibly imagery! You have a natural talent to put the reader in the character's surroundings. I was expecting a bit of a plot, but that is my thought. I would definately read more, please continue!
A very relative scenerio! You painted a brilliant picture of the atmosphere of the times. Although I don't remember the fifties, I have dramatic changes to my home town in my lifetime. The only faws I can find are a few minor grammar errors and a spot or two where I would use different wording. Very fluid and well described. A very warm, almost touching scene. Great Work!
Excellect story line! The hook is set! The only thing I would work on is giving the characters more definition. There are so many in this short peice, it is hard to keep them strait. Excellent work!
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