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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tammy
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33 Public Reviews Given
402 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think this is a beautiful story. I had to give this a five because I am sitting in 80 degree weather with birds singing in the background and I still felt as if I was there in winter.
Your story also made tears come to my eyes.
Very well written and a great message.
Thanks,
Tammy
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Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good Heavens,

I have sat here for a time being completely in awe of what I read. Then, wondering if my simpleness is worthy enough to comment. I feel brave today.

I love your use of words, and the imagery that they project is wonderful. It is even better because it is for someone/about someone.

Here are the combinations of words that I feel create a unique portrait:

Your sunshine dawns a shy-like doe
cityscape becomes a fawn
grey becomes a pussywillow fog
sunny palette of pastels
flesh-bruised purple and guilt-stained black

Marvelous. I hope he loved it.

Oh, one question, what is snirt? Something I have not heard of or a miss spelling?

Thanks for a great read.
Tammy
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Review of CRAZY HORSE  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! I have read a couple books about Crazy Horse. Such a proud and honorable man.

This poem read easy and flowed right along.

I like it most because it is not fiction it is about a man who lived and died bravely.

Great job.
And Happy Birthday to you!!

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Review of ANIMAL CRACKERS  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a cute story.

I think children would like it very much.

This final draft is much better than the first because you do more "showing" than "telling" in this one.

The story moves at good pace.

Good job.
Tammy
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Review of Bohemian Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this very much.

There is a lot of truth in this poem. We dream so many big things when young and somewhere along the way we back down.

This poem flowed well did not seem forced.

If only we could believe in those big dreams when we are old enough to act on them.

Thanks for a read

Tammy
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Review of Tell Me A Story  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Cute story. My children loved scary stories especially around a campfire.

Part I didn't like:
Entering the forest, the darkness crept upon him like roaches in an all-night diner. Just seemed a bit out of place with the tone and setting.

Part I did like:
Most of it *Smile*
I like the charaters and that the story is modeled after the children that are listening to it.
It is a story that has a few components to it that can later be used to expand upon.

The story moved a long at a good pace and kept my attention. I want to hear more about the little old man.

Good job.
Tammy
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Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have a good story, with a little work it can be much better. Here are the changes I would make if it were mine.

From: The only thing disturbing the silence, a creek not far off crashing over stones, running its’ course.

To: The only sound disturbing the silence was a creek, not far, off crashing over stones and running its course.

From: To the right lay young Connell aloft in his cradle slumbering peacefully.

To: To the right lay young Connell, aloft in his cradle, slumbering peacefully.

"...English and let them win; it had been their goal..." Note a semicolon instead of a comma after win.

"Picking up his staff along the way." This is an incomplete sentence. You could try, "Once at the door he picked up his staff." or "Before going out, he picked up his staff."

"...their mother stood grazing, rousing them ..." I would use a semicolon after grazing.


Good story. I will gladly look at this again after any changes you make.

Good descriptive writing. I can see the cabin and smoke. I can hear the sounds of the creek.

Thanks.
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Review of For Jamie  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is so sad.
The rhyme works well and does not distract from the importance or feeling of the poem.
People don't always understand the pressures on those who wear blue and how those pressures will effect them mentally.
Nicely done.
Sorry for your loss.
Tammy
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Review of The Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a fun little poem for Jesus and I bet he enjoys it very much.

The word flow is good and I did not see any spelling errors.

My only suggestion:
How can you sing for Jesus
How can you worship His grace
Your voice is weak and whiny
Singing distorts your face
change to:
How can I sing for Jesus
How can I worship His grace
My voice is weak and whiny
Singing distorts my face

You is a tricky word and can be hard to use.

Keep writing!
Tammy
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Review of Mountain Scene  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, Bluesman Author IconMail Icon you did a great job on this short story.

You accomplished your goal of having a romantic story with a tragic ending.

The story kept my attention through out.

One thing that needs fixing *Smile*
"Did Jared planned a surprise for our anniversary?..."
Change the word "did" to the word "had" or change "planned" to "plan". That's all.

It would be a 5 after the changes.
Best of luck in the contest.

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Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is nice. It gives a picture of what New Orleans is like now.

I have friends who have gone for months to help rebuild. The stories I hear are sad but at the same time, there so many signs of hope.
Good job on this.

I look forward to reading more from you.

Tammy
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Review of Domestic Animals  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow, powerful message here.

First, I did not see any grammar or spelling mistakes.

Second, my attention was grabbed in the begining and kept the whole way through.

Third, your writing is very descriptive and I felt as if I were there.

Fourth, I felt immediate emotion through out. Sadness, fear, disgust, horror and pain. *Smile*

Very good writing.
Tammy
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Review of The Review Mixer  Open in new Window.
Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful idea and worthwhile too!
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Review by emma jean Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A sad story yet one I fear has happened often.
I thought it was very well written though it could use a little more showing of their emotion than telling. I think, as a woman I could feel her pain so much more with descriptions of internal physical responses than just stating the emotion felt. I want to feel her pain so I can want to find a way to help her. In the last sentence of the first paragraph there is a minor error, you need to drop the be that comes before soon. I hope this has helped some. Good writing!
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