I felt like I had sneaked into someone's mind while he was picking his nose and had gotten lost rather then reading off a computer screen. Just as in speech, the thoughts of an individual are not meant to be grammatically correct and yet have a natural flow and voice. Loved it!
There are areas that could use the flow of a single stream without the unnecessarily blockage of extra words that take more than provide to the structure of your story. The theme itself is beautiful and "it was only a copy" reveals the frustration in a way which makes a powerful statement. You should try experimenting with a few sentences that feels 'not quite right' by rewriting the same or similar idea in a few different ways/styles. I find that when discovering the 'sweet spot' sentence, you can follow though with making changes that smooth out the wrinkles in the rest of your work.
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