So many words, if we try we can find just the right one and for me it's not usually the F word. Good advice and well written. When you write in all capital letters it equates to yelling at your reader. Use lower case unless grammer requires the capitals.
I'm an animal lover so your story deeply touched me. I've been in dark situations before with just my sweet Poodle to comfort me. I think I would do without food to buy her some if she was hungry. A bit more dialogue would improve the story I think. Good job, you made me feel and to me that's the most important goal in writing.
I think it's the most wonderful of mutual human experiences, to be found and understood. You brought that feeling alive for me in your poem. Enjoyed reading it.
An interesting introduction, possibly to a longer work. Good description of the scene. I can feel the forboding ambiance. Perhaps a bit less outright description and more of the human feelings would be welcomed.
Keep reaching for the goal, keep working on the plan. Well penned description of how the creative person often feels. Reaching for the completion of the plan but feeling time will run out before we reach it.
A philisophical jewel of a poem. A good message. I like the rhyme and flow. That is one reason some of us write, so we will not be forgotten when we're gone. Well done.
A simple story with an important message. The bluebird wanted her hatchling to learn from the world around it. If we learn from the misfortunes of others we may avoid the dangers in our own lives. Well penned and enjoyed.
Only someone who has know such desperation can understand such desperation. We can come a long way if we really want to. This is a gut honest look at a heart numbed with pain. This is what real poetry does, it makes you "Feel". So honest, dark and well penned. The only advice I would give is to move those very long lines into shorter ones to make the entire poem more balanced.
Riley, I can relate and I feel the pain in your poem. Sometimes we have many questions and few answers. Thank you for sharing an honest glimpse of your heart. Happiness may be closer than you think.
A heartfelt write. Being a poet truly involves baring the heart in words. A well done comparison with the joy of nature and the the pain in a human heart.
It is so true that writers are often unappreciated and/or misunderstood by those closest to them. I hope your time here will be rewarding but remember, people are just people and there may be times you are hurt even in a place you are seeking and finding much understanding. I look forward to reading your work.
Mystic and beautiful. Sometimes I think in this life we are ghosts waiting for the real life to start. Beautifully penned In the 4th line there should be a break at the word anxiety with the rest of that line being moved to the next line.
Oh,my, what a wonderful letter. I needed this today and it touched my heart deeply. A letter of compassion and wisdom. It would be wonderful if everyone could read it.
What a gorgeous poem. The images are so classic and mystic. It presents life and beauty as an enigma and yet as a thing of nature to be admired. Love poetry with such a gentle touch and eternal thought is not the easiest to write. I enjoyed your poem, Aisha. You definitely have the poetic touch from a poetic soul.
Mia, this is a romantic story but a vey sad one. In your description of your lover you made me feel some of the longing and the trauma of losing someone you really loved. There are a couple of superflurious words. Go back over it and you'll probably find them. Tighten up your paragraphs. You'll find those too if you meticiously edit. Great job for a first story. It did keep my interest and definitely made me feel the emotions.
{{i} Brown eyes are so beautiful, some beloved members of my family had them. Your poem made me think of how mysterious and expressive brown eyes can be. I like the rhyme and the flow. A lovely tribute to your lady.
I'm not completely sure what the mangrove represents but your poem evokes the feeling of a woman who is abused. She is lamenting her situation and the pain it brings, yet she is in love with and/or in bondage to the man who is abusing her. she is his keeper and his slave, shows her perception of having to take care of him. The ambiance is indeed dark but there is hope for the mangrove to see better days and ways at some future time because of her strong roots. The imagery is well defined and the wording is poetic and the subject memorable, especially to someone who has been in the position of the mangrove in life. Well penned, it walks the edge of darkness, not actually falling into its depths; this is not an easy literary balance to find.
LBR
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/suzqmg
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 4:21am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "