Wonderful!
I love versions of fairy tales, this is a great way of rewriting it!
A few things.. you refer to the hunter in small caps at first, then later with a capital 'H'. Is this intentional?
I like the interpretation of the dwarves house, the 'frills and flowers' really help to give it a cosy feeling.
I hadn't read about a compass before, I like the use of it in this story, it flows well!
What happened when she scratched his hand? That doesn't seem to fit, there's no mention of poison before or after it to connect it, only that he fell asleep. Maybe explain that a little?
Again, in the fight scene, explain the wound in his hand?
I think it may help a little to call the Queen a witch before, as that will link it through the story better. (As in, when you introduce her.)
But this is great, I really like it! A little rushed maybe, but it's hard to slow it down (I'm learning but not there yet!)
This has a very nice idea behind the story.
I think that it was a little rushed, but the paragraphing was spaced nicely, and the sentence structure was well formed.
The destruction in the story was written well, and the reader has a clear view of what Fred Ryan has done to the apartment, and how he has been driven to frustration by the noise.
I think the set out in bold was a little hard to read, maybe it could be better if only the Sound was in bold, or italics, and the rest was in normal text. But that's just a preference.
I think that this story has a good style, maybe a little more character building of Fred Ryan, but apart from that, no complaints!
I'm not sure about this one.
Although I like the idea behind it, I think that there isn't enough punctuation. The first sentence itself could have one or two commas, and this trend continues.
I think that it was a little too long, it could have been put into more parts and it would have still worked for you. I actually haven't read all of it, simply because I was so daunted by the amount of writing that I would have to read.
But on the other hand, the characters are real, and the concept behind all of this is wonderful.
Well done!
Susannah
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