It is unusual to say that this is quite a touching piece but I'm sure that was the intention! I love how you incorporated in the presence of an underlying message which is truly something to think about .. That this woman was once someone's 'princess' yet now she has been enveloped by a world of drugs & prostitution, it's a great portrayal of the harsh reality of life.
I particularly loved the line 'her heart hollow, the emotional beat gone', your descriptive imagery within this piece is fantastic and outside grammatical technicalities such as punctuation and capitals, it's a superb piece! I shall be reading more of your work!:]
This was such a fun, easy-to-read and well written piece! The language is just so natural, it all flows well, it has a great mixture of positive and negative emotions to mix it up a little and to keep it interesting! I really enjoyed reading this! I especially love the line "With all your mystical mumbo-jumbo-candle-lighting-tarot-card-reading-spell-casting-fancy-dream-interpretation B.S., sometimes a swing is just a swing.", it made me laugh! There's really no negative criticism that I can immediately point out so well done on writing a great story and thanks for sharing this with us!
SUGARSUPERNOVA Keep on writin'!! Feel free to look at my portfolio if you wish! Any feedback is greatly appreciated:]
This is truly a magical, emotional and undoubtedly brilliant piece with a great story, a great idea and more than enough potential to tug the heartstrings of even the coldest heart! .. You portrayed the emotions well, your language and imagery was excellent, 'His hung-loose pastel in sallow skin covered body, especially his craggy ‘Make My Day’ jowls, acquired a natural tinge of spotted-olive', everything you said in this piece was so easy to visualize, a true characteristic of a good writer!
I particularly loved the concept of how death comes with the setting sun, it's such an eerie concept yet beautiful in some strange way as well! ..This is a fantastic piece! I shall most definitely be reading more of your work!
SUGARSUPERNOVA Keep om writin'!!
Feel free to view my portfolio! Any feedback is greatly appreciated;]
This is a good portrayal of the real underbelly of city life, where within there is nought but 'deceit & lies' and endless deadly ties that can be forged unknowingly. I enjoyed reading this, I especially liked the line 'We live our lives during the night,
Afraid God can see us in the day,' It gives a great insight into the mind of a typical city criminal mind, I hope to see more of your work!
SUGARSUPERNOVA Keep on writin'!!
Feel free to look at my portfolio if you wish! Any feedback is greatly appreciated:]
This is fantastic! I love your 'sort of' acrostic take on 'Freedom of forgiveness'! you piece speaks so much truth, it is truly inspirational to any reader who comes across this poem!
It's a hard task to write a well written & structured poem with the hinderence of such a structure as you have used here, and your grammer, syntax and structure all fall a little as a result...
examples of this are :
1:Freely love, freely give of yourself and more
2:Simpler Few words could hardly feel wrong
3:What eVer does it take to say it bold and straight
But like I said, you still did a better job than most! It's a difficult task for any writer and with that you should be commended!...
I hope to see more of your work, thanks for sharing this!
For a start, I love how you've succesfully managed to write such a good piece on such a difficult idea!! To be quite honest I didn't quite know what to expect but as it happens I absolutey loved this! The ending made me laugh so much which I think is the first to do so on this website!...
It's well written, the ideology of a different coloured pill for every problem, (most of which probably don't even exist) is brilliant!, it's funny, it's original and it's quirky! It certainly bears no error! I can't wait to read more of your work! Thanks for sharing this!
This is quite an interesting piece! I just wish i could know the story behind it all! I love how you create such a great atmsphere of suspense through your use of language despit the shortness of the piece! I particularly like the line 'In his hand, he possesses an object
wielding power unequal to its mass....
The ideology, i suppose, is so clever! Anyway, this piece needs no criticism.. Well done!
SUGARSUPERNOVA Keep on writin'!! Feel free to look at my portfolio if you wish! Any feedback is greatly appreciated:]
Enjoyable would be a poor word to portray exactly what this poem is in retrospect, yet only because of it's excessive content background. A better word maybe would be exceptional or indeed beautiful in terms of how it's written and the language that you used to such great effect!
It would be more contextual to say that this poignant piece is of great interest to read, highly descriptive and contains some fantastic imagery ... Well done on writing such a good, thought-provoking piece! It is most definitely beyond criticism, really just a polished piece!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:45am on Nov 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
