Interesting story overall but a bit lacking in excitement. What I mean is everything up to being picked up was rather distant. Of course the beginning was distant because I guess he didn't witness it so we shouldn't either. But perhaps when he was attempting/commiting suicide it would of been nice to be more descriptive, to make us feel that moment, feel what he was feeling and see it. I liked that part but I still thought it was distant.
Another thing I did like, the most in fact was him being picked up by Ferryman. There were some good descriptions maybe still needed some more but none the less good descriptions. You had a good go at that maybe would of been more exciting if sticks road was bumpier and scarier/ exciting but still a good go at that.
Finally I give you a 4 because its a good story and plot but its missing descriptions and depth.
Wow thats a perspective I haven't ever heard before. Makes me wonder if other people aren't so sensitive to the idea that whatever they target will be blown up. How could that not effect you though? I haven't ever fired a gun but in NJROTC we learn to march with them(disarmed rifles, though we do have real ones but they dont shoot bullets) but still. Well anyway I like your opinion on this and I'm sure I would feel the same way if I fired a rifle like the one you described. Hey if you would review my story it would be very appreciated. :)
This story has a good message and good plot but the words themselves made the story a little hard to read. When you focus to much on a backstory without actualy telling the whole thing you kind of get boring with it. A story I'm writing now I tell just a tiny bit of a backstory then slowly I tell more as I go along.
Well aside from that you had some well thought out characters and alot of plot. It was a bit hard to sympathize for Jeremy because he appears to be the same person in school as Josh is and Josh isn't that great of a person. Not that you should change that but to let you know.
Another thing when your characters are setting off the bombs and shooting people I want to know more about it. I want to feel that moment, BANG students and tables go flying through the air as part of the school starts to crumble. Well anyway if you would I would love for you to read my story it starts with a school shooting.
Wonderful poem! It touches the pain of Columbine and even gives the question they asked them. All I can ask for in this poem is more of it. My favorite two parts of this poem were:
Columbine, COlumbine,
Can you still remember,
The sounds of screams and fatal shots,
Locked in our hearts forever.
Columbine, Columbine,
What would you have said,
If they asked you "Do you beleive?",
And held a gun to your head?
That part really hits you how dramatic and scary columbine was at that time. If you do add more you should add more stuff like that. If you would look at my portfolio you will see my story which is inspired by Columbine. But he keeps telling the story after he dies.
Reminds me of They. This is a great story and very believable and persuasive. I actually did try to turn on the light but the bulbs were burnt out. Though I didnt look for any lint... If you wanted to change anything I would change the ending for sure because I had to read it twice to understand what it was saying. Also the beginning started fast and then it got real slow. Well anyway it was fun playing with the possibility and this would be great to read in a speech competition! Well thanks for the great story and good luck with writing more
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