Excellent! I have to say this is a sweet piece. i can see the images you paint very well, with your son reaching up to present his gift, pride probably shining in his eyes. Thank you for sharing this lovely glimpse into a moment of your life. I guess that's what poetry really is anyway, allowing others to see inside us. Write on!
Walls. Find a way to overcome them if possible. You will grow to be so much more than you are now. I think your piece is very nice. I like the way you alternate between how you see yourself and how you wish you could be. It's all you though. Both sides. I hope you find a way to reconcile them into one. One hint - check your spelling!! A simple thing like that can really affect how the reader perceives it. Otherwise, good job!! Write on!!
What can I say? Content aside, this (to me) is an exceptional poem. Personally, I love a good story and you provide a gripping tale. What a fine job! I can't wait to see what you come up with for Halloween, lmao. Keep the goose-bumps coming!
Great work! I'm still not a fan of free-form but I like the way you present this. I can feel your emotion, your sense of alienation from the "normal" crowd. Acceptance of that which we don't understand is a hard thing to overcome for quite a lot of us. Your poem illustrates how one can want to withdraw from the world around them when isolation is so prevelant in their life. Don't hide ( if that's what you mean by your poem, I may have interpreted it the wrong way) and let your voice and thoughts be heard through your art.
Steve
Ps. It may only be me, but the word "wanna" kept me from giving this a higher rating
Great job!! I like the classic poetry form more than some of the others. Too many poems I have read are about losing someone, and I'm guilty of it too from time to time. The only part that kept me from giving this a higher rating is the third to last line. The flow was great until i read that line. I'm a newbie too so it could be me, but you recovered the flow immediately after. Keep up the good work.
The sentiment is lovely and I can relate to your words. I feel the same way about a woman I love, and you have expressed your feelings very well. I'm no critic, but the flow in a few verses falters. Also, check your spelling. The word "skys" should be "skies". Maybe shortening some of the stanzes will help the flow, otherwise I like it. Keep it up!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/steve64
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:45pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
