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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/smcaldwell
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Review by Wild Fire Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Okay, here are my thoughts...

I would review the content for spelling, but not much, I think I only found two instances. Also, check on word order. There are some places where different wording may help it flow easier. One example is, "He squinted as the sun shone into his eyes from above the castle, making it cast a dark shadow into the woods." could read, "He squinted as the sun shone into his eyes from above the castle, casting its dark shadow into the woods." Also, now that I look at this line again some more rewording may be necessary since the subject is "He (Fenton)" but "dark shadow into the woods" is describing the castle. It may be a good idea to review for more areas like that as well.

I love the characters physical descriptions. The reader gets a good impression of each characters personality based on the physical description alone. Do you have a plan to develop the characters more through their actions as well?

I had a little problem with the imagery at first, it seemed kind of vague, but towards the end was much better. I really enjoyed the scene in the fields after the messenger arrives, the sweating horse was great, and the scene in Fenton's bedroom. You mentioned in the intro that you think this is kind of short. One way to help with that would be to expand your descriptions a little more to provide a clearer image as well as lengthen the document.

All in all, it looks like you have a great start! Keep up the good work and good luck! I'm still mustering the courage to make an attempt at a novel, so you've already got me beat!
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