There is something that is a highway straight to the heart and that is the eyes. They tell the story of love indeed. My love has those beautiful blue eyes though lol...but with this write what I love is that the color can be interchangeable to make it personal. Indeed an array of emotions can occur by gazing into the right eyes. I enjoyed this write.
Standing against darkness all alone is a different kind of feeling."for your yolk is hollow...and your bowels constructed" Strange to be hollow inside but obstructed at the same time.What an interesting concept. I loved the battle of the night to awake with the light... absolute genius I think. Very interesting write. I was hoping to read a bit more of the darkness before the light shown through. It's not a suggestion it's a thought I had as I finished up the read. Good write my friend.
Damn..that last line had me thinking. Really why was the fruit hanging low enough to reach and how did they know that they could eat the fruit before they did? Crazy mind tingling write...I'm loving it.
I find this write very interesting indeed. "Like a warped vine strangling all thought" is a very interesting view on how the rain feels. I felt like I was at dismal rainy winter funeral when I read these words. Fantastic wordplay indeed. Alo my favorites line "face to face with Poe" as if I was in a rainy western state off with Poe. Thank you for sharing this gem of a write.
"I was entranced by your swan song," got me. I was like okay I can see the flirty vibe two swans have. Relationships are strange and to feel captive is a dangerous feeling for in fear a person may her themselves or their loved one. The dull grey color had me feeling very sad for whomever was in that relationship. All in all I thoroughly enjoyed the images you put in my mind as I read wanting more. I can't wait to read more.
I too have had my share of demons whilst in a relationship. It's hard sometimes to find the fine line between fantasy and reality when you are deeply committed into what truly seems to be love. I feel the meaning of this piece but it was hard getting around the last stanza...maybe if it was worded differently it would come across a little smoother. Maybe something like
"No matter how stupid my actions
My demons swiftly cover
I will forever remember my my most dearest lover"
I hope I was helpful. I did enjoy the write and I see much potential in you.
The longing for someone can do something to a person. People including myself do crazy or uncharacteristic things when in that love daze. I think this write reaches a lot of love struck people. I enjoyed this read.
Hmm...while reading this write I felt angry...dunno if its because of the list I felt for you or myself.strangely enough I was drawn to each line to see the outcome. I understand how emptiness balls a person's soul up like wadded piece of paper. Yes indeed photographs are the worst. I'm loving your writes.
YES indeed!!! Feed me or there will definitely be misbehaving...lol. There is nothing like the build up of that craving and yearning to misbehave. I enjoyed this write thanks for sharing.
There's a couple messages in this write. Knowing if she is a vixen or a tramp is a lesson both teens and adults alike learn. She learns that the only real answer is how she see herself. Definitely I know what been around the block mean and have some mishaps to prove it. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but it was a lesson learned. All innocence is taken I agree because one is forced to become the whole world to a new entry into this world. A thought provoking write.
I like this write. I think about the "outsides in" line was genius. It actually made me think of my outside inside and I laughed. Definitely once you have interacted with the corresponding parts there is no forgetting that fabulous feeling. Indeed that long girth knot carries a lot of gravity when her legs in the air. Again I enjoyed this write. Thanks for sharing.
This brought me back to a time when I was under age but still managed to drink...no fake id needed. I agree that's it's funny but also messed up that the id says 90...booze will take you to great lengths to get it...well displayed I feel the desperation of needing booze in this write with that humorous twist at the end. Thank you for sharing.
This write had me pondering on a couple things. I may have been way off topic but this took me to a small boy wondering if this guy in front of him was his father. This is where my mind took me until the last two lines and then I read the title again and I felt like I was a real dummy lol. I then realized that many of us look in the mirror every day as routine as putting on clothes or washing our hands. Many of us never take the time to relish in the moment of looking ones self in the mirror and actually recognizing the person who stands before us but recognize one who have been altered to fit ones goals and satisfactions. Thank you for this write for it made me look at the man that stands before me in a whole new light.
I enjoyed the read and it brought me to those awkward times of listening to friends and family about their relationships. It seems though some people never get those magical words "I Love You Too" said to them. I think that music indeed remind people of the ones that they truly cared about and no longer with. Love is a strange thing to be apart of or not. Either way the experience will definitely help to make better decisions in future relationships. Thanks for sharing this piece. Someone would definitely find peace or understanding realizing that they are not in this alone. You indeed have been through this situation along with the reader. I felt the regret and anger throughout this piece. The hurt and heartbreak is true indeed inside this piece.
whew...what a ride. awesome way of writing this piece. I enjoyed very much the words"Until you plunge deep in me". I love the picture inside my head as I read these words. good work.
slongentl
one thing that women should know is that men may never say that they need you, but let me tell you coming from a man...we need you. you ladies do deserve to have "slongentl" moments many times a million. and the response from these moments are oh so worth recording mentally. great write.
it is that one kiss that seems to get everyone in trouble. it must spark a sense in us to take it all the way and beyond. leaving both so embarrassed but also confident and relieved. unexplanable confusion and a whole lot of passion left over ready to be regiven. I miss times such as this.
Oh my...this is a dream come true. I have never experienced this outcome, but have come close to it a time or two. It definitely would change the way we feel about each other as friends. wow would be the words and ooooh would be the bodily motions. awesome write
If a man ever here words like this coming out of a woman's mouth. He will forever remember what it feels like to be yearned for. All a man's life he has been taught by life how he must yearn for his woman. It is just nice to know women yearn for us too. Nice write
hmm...i took a long deep sigh after I read this one. i can relate to the ignoring of something so simple of a tear to a granite stone. I feel at times that I and the tear are one. this world or even the ones I love are the granite stone. It hurts so deep when you pour every molecule of endless love into a great big pitcher of nothingness. great write
Good write. I painfully felt this heart drenching story painted in this piece. It is quite disgusting that men actually commit such acts on children. I personally have kids and there is not one day that goes by that I do not worry about them since alot is happening at schools and daycares. My heart goes out to all who have suffered through this crime of disgust. Just wondering was this piece inspirec by a true life experience?
man sometimes it just happens that way. i really enjoyed the way this one unfolded while i read. i was actuslly taken back a time or two or five or six. lol....Greatly written nevertheless. can not wait to read more...
slongentl
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/slongentl
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.16 seconds at 4:17am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "