I like this. I think, though that bades is not used in proper context and sounds awkward. How about beckons. The word bade would be used in something like he bade me farewell, which is the pluralor past tense of bid, as in I bid you farewell. There is no s to bade, it would be bids then. Does this help? I hope so!
Lately, after reading such excellent pieces as this, I wonder if we and others here are related somehow, not by blood, but maybe our psyches, sisterhood, souls sent spiraling apart... yet to meet again as we share ourselves and lives through this medium. Is this because we are so similar in that we share a creative gift borne from our similar experiences? I wonder... This piece is magnificent and I do not say this lightly. I truly thank you.
WoW! Excellent depiction of a taut, funereal scene. Your words truly make the scene visual, you depict her and those around her and their emotions keenly. You brought out the pain, anger, suffering and most importantly, what many want to say to those who chose to leave us in such a manner. The last sentence was haunting, beautiful! Thank-you!
This is exquisite and yet, I feel that it is somehow suicidal and I know that, in reality, dolphins attempt and often succeed in saving drowning people. Would the dolphin not try to save you? Or are you transforming into the more perfect body/soul vehicle of the dolphin? You might also aim this at an audience 13 or older for they are vulnerable. I know you want to call this a lullabye, but a lullabye implies a comforting lull into sleep.... Maybe a dark lullabye? I really liked this. Needs more fleshing out Kudos!
Wow! Very insightful and well written. Maybe the first line that matches the title should be written the same way. The minus and equal signs seem awkward versus writing the words out.I especially liked the last sentence and also your use of numbers, very creative.
Yes! It is good! An excellent portrayal of the struggling writer's angst and turmoil regarding his work. Your choice of words, rhythm, flow, all worked well together. I would love to hear this read aloud for it would sound mesmerising, magical, almost like a fairy tale. I especially loved the way you used "weak composition" and "fair disposition." Very good! Thank-you!
I have read and reviewed a number of pieces that I thought were excellent, but in retrospect, after reading this piece, some pale in comparison. Absolutely riveting, shockong and terribly beautiful! Your words flow wonderfully and I cannot see any need for improvement. It is perfect! Publish it! Thank-you!
All I can say is WOW! You have written a poem that literally speaks volumes. So short, yet full of pain and quite lovely. This could most definitely be a song also. The rhythm, lyricism and plain yet perfect words also sound like dialogue. I think this could evolve even more should you choose to extend it. Thank-you!
This reminds me of how I felt when first I began to perform professionally as a singer. It feels the same, so awesome, so stressful, yet so boundingly wonderful to reveal and share your gift. I wish you had more for all of us to read, girl! For one so young, you are blessed with an abundance of creativity and deep thought. Where do you go from here? Please write more for my addiction thirsts!
I wish we all could be graced at least once in life by one like your flutterby. I try hard to be one to the children I teach. I see myself in her in more than a few ways. As an "old" hippie and strangely enough having been called a flutterby myself, I see beauty in your words and great affection for we free spirits. I suspect you are one too?
I am becoming addicted to your work, in a wonderful way. I hear the pride in your author's voice and marvel at the man who is your Dad. Such a fine thing that you wrote of and for him. Tell me, has he read it? It made me cry for I could not give that kind of gift to the aunt who raised me and to me was always Mom.
Again I find your work wonderful! This was brilliant, heartfelt, excruciatingly painful... and truthful. Ah, for a perfect world, aye? As I stated in my other review of your work, albeit they were different subjects, if only "they" could read this and somehow change their archaic belief structures and maybe just let others be....free? Thank-you!!!
Oh my God, this is magnificent! I have studied this subject as a sociology and anthropology major and you brought the facts to life by personalizing and humanizing these tragedies. If only people could read this to better understand better and try to do something about the profiteers of innocent lives. Kudos to you!!!
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