I really liked the main character. I think it’s great that you didn’t describe her as good looking. A space pirate can’t be a real pirate if they’re worried about keeping their hair silky smooth and their face pretty. She takes pride in not being that way, even going so far as to use special procedures to keep her scars. It's like by keeping the scars shes Rebelling against utopia in every way she can. I would like to hear more about why the characters hate utopia so much, but I guess that’s coming.
One criticism I do have is that the ending seemed a little abrupt. These guys looked poor right? Their an unknown bunch of rebels in a dirty unknown space bar. Why is Athenais so quick to invite them back to her ship when they say they have a cure? How could they have a cure? Where does it come from? how did they make it? I know you want to change the setting here but it doesn't make sence that she'd leave without asking if it means so much to her. Maybe does not believe them. she could tell them to piss off and storm out. They could just find the ship the next day (If they can find her they can find the ship). Then they could convince her by giving her more details or whatever. I think this would work a lot better, but that's just my opinion.
All in all awsome story so far. Very very cooooooooooool.
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